Do I want a husband, or just sex?

I have mentioned before that my best friend, Amy, and I are still virgins. She is gung-ho about holding the cherry hostage until marriage.

Right now, I don’t care if I walk down the aisle de-flowered. I haven’t told Amy that I’m not feeling the “wait ‘til marriage” thing anymore.

Anyway, I think we’ve been having similar feelings lately and are interpreting them in different ways. She longs for marriage, like, right now.

For once, Amy’s been trying harder than me to get a man. Her skirts are a little shorter. She’s actually wearing skirts! And heels! And she is finally moving beyond solid colored cardigans and jeans and no makeup. Now she puts makeup on daily, shows a little cleavage and wears bright colors and patterns.

She even started online dating, two years after me. She gave up after a few weeks, though, when she couldn’t get past the online chatting with any guy.

Whenever she talked to a guy online, she told me about why she thought he might be “the one,” why he might make a good husband.

Yes, Amy flat out told me that she really wants a husband. She also hopes the courtship is brief, perhaps only a few months, just like it was with her virginal parents.

And every single time we hang out now, she talks about the lack of men our age in the place. I sometimes don’t even notice. I’m too busy eating or talking to her or whatever.

If Amy is feeling how I’ve been feeling lately, I wonder if it’s really desire for marriage, or if she is just “in heat?”

One of the many reasons I’ve been less active in dating since Spring is because of my toy. Whenever I get all aflutter, satisfaction is just a flick of the switch away. I know Amy has no “toys” and I’m sure she follows the Catholic rule of not pleasuring yourself either.

I can’t imagine the level of sexual frustration that is still pent up in Amy.

I am talking to new guys in public and occasionally send messages on OkCupid. I do try to stay open and alert for guys who are looking my way. I even talked to a guy in a bar recently!

But my level of desperation is not Amy’s. Marriage is not on the horizon for me, and I’m okay with that.

I mean, I still haven’t even been kissed. Let’s get over that hurdle first!

Follow me on twitter @flamencokitty .

Image: Sharron Goodyear / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

green eyed monster

My single life has been going rather well. I have a new job that I love more than the previous one. I've spent about a month and a half in my new apartment and am loving it more and more every day. I was recently accepted into a Catholic leadership program, which I am excited to begin (though I'm not so pleased about being the darkest one on this year's cohort, once again I'm a token :-P ). I have a great, supportive circle of friends. Finally, I have a variety of road trips and other fun outings coming up this summer. Minus being broke until September (one of the downsides of singledom is living on one paycheck), life is overall satisfying.

Yet recent events amongst my friends are making me, well, a bit jealous. One friend is newly engaged. Another friend-of-a-friend is beginning pre-Cana classes with her fiance. Another friend is two months into a relationship with a man she adores. Another friend has yet another boyfriend. Etcetera etcetera etcetera. And I haven't been on a date since April.

Yes, it's partially my own fault as I've once again neglected my plan to have one new date per month, but it's also partially because of all the changes happening in my life over the past few months! I also need to pester elove to send me another referral. I have 11 more over the next two years. That's about one every other month!

So with several friends in romantic bliss, I can't help but feel like I'm "missing out." Although I love chilling on the couch, falling asleep with one of my kitties on my lap while listening to the smooth jazz radio station, I sometimes think, "It'd be nice to snuggle with a man instead of a cat for once!" I'm an introvert, so I can usually be alone without feeling lonely. Lately though, I am feeling a bit like a "loser." I'm in my mid-twenties and have never even been kissed! I'm sitting at home on a Friday night petting my cats? Have I set myself up for spinsterhood?

It's easy to think there's something "wrong" with me. There are women who are less attractive, less friendly, less intelligent and definitely higher maintenance than me who nonetheless found their match. Am I really too picky? Am I really not putting myself "out there?" Have I "doomed" myself to perpetual singledom because I won't put out until marriage (and what man wants to date a virgin in her mid twenties anyway)?

I know that God's will for my life is better than any plan I might have or society might have for me. I just sometimes wish I knew for sure if God does have a guy for me or if I really am meant to be single.