Always be ready for an encounter

When I was a teenager, men often flirted with me at the laundromat, of all places. That always boggled my mind. My hair was a mess. I was dressed in old gym shoes, jogging pants and an oversized winter coat. So not-sexy. Plus, I was fifteen, and have always looked three or more years younger than my age. I thought, "Eww, dirty old men!" Although laundry day provided me-time to listen to my Discman and finish my homework, on those days, I liked it when my father stopped by the laundromat a bit too early.

No one had approached me at the laundromat since high school, until Sunday.

I saw a young-ish man checking me out. Well, I thought I did. I am notorious for misinterpreting signals. Anyway, he was kinda cute, to me anyway. It was hard to fully gauge his cuteness as he was dressed in ratty laundry-day clothes, but he had a cute face. I walked past him a few times to verify my suspicions (and give him something to look at in case he was checking me out...).

This laundromat has a room with wifi where you can work on your laptop. I sat in there and net-surfed while my clothes were drying. The young man stopped in and asked, "Do you think my clothes are dry yet?" I replied I didn't notice when he started the dryer but it was seven minutes per quarter. He glanced at my laptop and then said, "Let me show you something. Go to youtube." He showed me a variety of silly youtube videos that he liked. Some were funny and some were mindless time wasters, but he was cute and had a nice smile and pretty eyes, so I didn't mind the company. :-P He showed me some clips of his favorite anime too. Wow, we anime fans can sniff each other out anywhere, huh? I have been out-of-touch with all things anime since high school, however.

Of course, I was taking mental notes of said boy as we talked, well, he talked, rather. He had a specialized knowledge (plus), he was friendly without being all "hey baby, hey hot stuff" (plus), he could hold a conversation (plus), he took the initiative to approach me (plus). Oh, and yeah, he was cute. I was playing "makeover" in my head, imagining how he might look when he wasn't in laundry-day gear. I wasn't sure how old he was, knew no details like job, school, or whatnot, and didn't want to go there, really. All I knew was he was a friendly, youngish guy in my neighborhood who knew how to do his own laundry and shares an interest with me.

He eventually said, "Hey, do you have facebook?" It was one of the tabs on my computer screen so I had to say, "Yes." He said, "Here, friend request me." Twitter is actually for my professional stuff, which I would have been more comfortable giving, but he didn't have Twitter, so I facebooked him. Whoa, how did he manage to get a facebook friend request out of me? This guy's good. I figured if the guy turned out to be weird, I could always delete him later. I guess this was his equivalent of asking a girl for her number.

I googled his name later (of course) and found out that he was actually twenty-years old. Ew, he can't even drink legally yet? That's almost a ten year difference. Darn google. Why did I have to google him and spoil my fun? Anyway, I have to give the young guy kudos for doing what guys my age don't do (anymore?). I know I was giving off "leave me alone" body language, though I was consciously trying to be more approachable.

But this boy did exactly what any match needs to do with me. The guy needs to approach me, but he needs to do it in a friendly way. No "hey beautiful, hey baby girl, can I talk to you?" Just come and talk to me, maybe talk about a "prop" I'm carrying. He needs to actually be able to talk about something other than work or school. He needs to be persistent, even when I'm giving off "leave me alone," signals (like me saying, "I have to get going"). Is it a lot? Yeah, maybe. But he got a friend request out of me, which gives a lot of access to my personal, inner world. I don't even give that to guys I contact on okcupid. I don't even give out my phone number until right before I meet a guy! So his persistence worked.

Am I dateable?

For awhile, I've been seeing myself as undateable. I guess it's normal to go through periods of high and low self-image. I wouldn't exactly call it self-hate or a total lack of self-love, more like some sort of acceptance. "Well, I'm not anyone's type, I guess." I have felt like giving up on dating, or at least on trying. I have felt like just "waiting" and "letting it happen" as opposed to being more proactive, like it's a waste of time for me to try dating because no one wants me anyway. I have been feeling like so many of my qualities are unwanted in a date.

Thoughts running through my head: "I'm vegan. Who would want to date someone who can't eat everywhere? Where would we go on dates?" "I don't want kids, ever, and most guys out there want kids. And the ones who don't want kids are all Atheist or non-religious." "I'm sexually inexperienced and won't put out on the third date or whatever that rule is, and every other girl will." "I'm a practicing Catholic, and nobody wants someone religious because he'll think I'm some brainwashed Jesus freak." "I can't tell a guy I have taken bellydance because he'll either think I'm a whore or flighty. How many people think, 'intelligent' when they hear someone is a bellydancer?" "I like reading, but not all kinds of books. A reader won't think I'm intellectual enough." "I like pop music, but an intellectual guy will think I'm mindless and unsophisticated if I say I like pop music." And on and on and on.

But then I remembered that there are millions of guys out there. Millions. And if a guy is my Mr. Right, being vegan, Catholic, a bellydancer, reader, choosy with the cherry, a lover of pop music and childfree won't be a turn-off.

So for the past few days, I've been changing my self-image back to something more positive! True, I'm not every guy's Ms. Right. However, that doesn't mean I'm NOBODY'S Ms. Right. My Mr. Right will have no problem with going to restaurants that have something for me besides a house salad (I don't need to go to an all-veg restaurant, but I don't want only a salad, I mean I didn't get these womanly curves by eating salad my whole life). He won't think less of me if I like pop music and bellydancing. What straight guy wouldn't be turned on by bellydancing? He won't think I'm a total prude if I don't put-out after a few dates. He'll be willing to wait longer. He won't care if I don't like every piece of high literature out there. I like reading classics, but not all of them. He'll respect my religious practices and won't think I'm a mindless sheep, drunk on the opiate of the masses. And perhaps most importantly of all, he'll either be undecided about or totally against having kids someday.

So I'm at least trying to be active again on the dating websites and trying to stay alert, awake for "sightings." I can't just sit around and "wait." That didn't work. Most of my dates have been with men I met online. So I need to be proactive. And I need to remember that though I may not turn every guy on, I'm SOMEONE'S wet dream.

Hit and miss

Over the weekend, I had what J.M. Kearns, author of Why Mr. Right Can't Find You, would call a "sighting."

Sort of.

I'm trying to be better about keeping my eyes open for potential matches. Taking off the headphones, putting down the novel on the train, etc. This weekend, I went to my favorite coffee shop to do paperwork. A trio of young people, two girls and a guy, arrived. I was working at a couch and facing the wall opposite. They sat at a table on the wall opposite me, to my left. One girl had her back to me, while the guy and other girl sat beside each other, facing my wall. I continued my work.

While working, my peripheral noticed the male head turned in my direction. I took off my headphones, remembering my mission to stay alert for sightings. I pretended to look at the artwork on the opposite wall. He turned away. I glanced at him when his head was turned. I hadn't checked him out when he first arrived. He was a somewhat attractive (to me). Just needed a shave. He looked like all the other young, White, hipsterish men in my neighborhood: black, thick, square frame glasses; ear-length, wavy brownish hair; blue knit skull cap; khakis; green hooded sweatshirt.

I also noticed, though, that the girl beside him (whose attention was mainly directed at her girlfriend and whatever they were looking at on the laptop) was leaning on him, snuggly.

Great. A guy who looks like my type, at my favorite coffee shop, who is checking me out...is taken.

I thought perhaps I was imagining his glances, but my peripherals saw his head turn my direction at least three times. I actually did make eye contact with him once while he was sipping his mug, confirming my suspicion. Honestly, I was flattered, though I made no expression as such when I looked at him. I was facebook-chatting with my one of my friends during this episode, and asked her if I should smile back anyway. My friend said, "YES! U GO GIRL!" But just when I decided to be "bad" for once and wink at a cute guy who was clearly taken, he stopped looking my direction. He turned his head all the way to his girlfriend and covered his face with his left arm.

I like to think he covered and turned his head because my beauty was so striking, he wouldn't have been able to resist looking at me otherwise. :-P

Once the buddy left, the young man and girl beside him kissed each other, and her attention was finally totally on her man. They did look like a match. She also had a knit skull cap, fingerless knit gloves, denim frayed mini skirt with leggings, thick black square framed glasses. Two young, White, hipsterish people in love, or lust, whatever.

Better luck next time I suppose. At least I had a burst of hope. It is possible for the attraction to be mutual someday. Now where to find the single boys?...