Mission Boudoir: Adding a Bit of Bettie Page

 I'd like to give a shout-out to eBay, especially the eBay stores. They are still my favorite source for cheap posters and prints that I can't find easily in real life.

It's easy to find Marilyn memorabilia.  She's everywhere.  But Bettie?  I have to go online to find her, or at least to find a selection of her.

I work part-time over Summer, so I don't have as much disposable income as during the rest of the year. But I had enough money in PayPal to treat myself to a "sexual totem."  I have moved my goofy tchotchkes from the top of my room's book shelf and replaced them with Bettie, candles, and pretty empty wine bottles.

My camera phone doesn't really do my display justice, but you get the idea.

There were so many prints I liked! However, since people sometimes come to visit me, and one of the entrances to my apartment goes through my room, don't ask why, I didn't want to make any guests uncomfortable with a pic of Bettie in her underoos, rolling off a knee-high nylon.  

I mean, I knew it would be in my room, but still.

I thought the print was still sexy, fun, and matched my idea of female sexuality. She's also clad-enough that I don't think anyone who passes through my room, should they notice her, will be weirded out. Dad recently stopped by to feed the kitties when I went out of town, and he didn't ask about it.

By the way, the candles smell all musky and earthy. Of course they are soy candles and locally made by Scented Seasons. Yes, I know you can't smell the candles online, but if you live in Illinois or Northwest Indiana, perhaps they will be coming to a farmer's market or fair near you.

And no, they didn't pay me to plug them.

The scents I got were Happy Hippie, Woodstock, and Earth Angel. They're all basically sandalwood with some other stuff. Happy Hippie is my favorite.

So in terms of the five senses, I've got smell and have begun sight.  Hopefully, the next change will be touch with soft, more-than-200-count-thread bedsheets...

Why do stores hate my body?

This isn't directly related to virginity or singledom. However, it is about the plight of the modern American woman and has been on my mind the past 24 hours. :-P So I wanted to blog about it.

I was doing some after-Christmas shopping with my fellow virgin friend, Amy. After a couple hours of finding nothing, I whipped out my phone and put on my facebook status, "I don't understand why stores don't like my body. I'm not the only one with curves in this city!"

Oh the slew of comments that followed! I don't think I've ever had such an active discussion on my status. Basically, everyone agreed that shopping sucks and it's hard to find anything that flatters your body. The crazy thing is, it's hard for everyone. EVERYONE. Well, at least everyone who responded to or "liked" my status. Not all of them were curvy. One girl was short and lamented that she can't find anything either. She has to get clothes altered. Even one guy said he can't find any clothes.

I don't HATE my body. I like having curves, though I do wish the butt was a little smaller! It's not fun shopping for pants or skirts when your hips are two sizes bigger than your waist (according to the clothing makers). I just get frustrated when clothes that suit my frame are not "in style."

I know what looks good on me. I'm not a poor grad student anymore or a broke teenager who doesn't know any better about what clothes to get. I hate having to "settle" for second-best (or third-best) clothes even though I now can afford to pay more for nicer stuff. It used to be I had to settle for not-as-flattering stuff because it was the cheapest thing that could get over my hips. I can pay $50 for a flattering skirt now (which I did, by the way, on this shopping trip because I couldn't find one like it anywhere else).

I think about "What Not to Wear," that TLC show where the hosts make people throw away their old wardrobes, give them lessons on what to buy for their body, and send them off to stores with a credit card to buy new clothes. Some people would break down and cry when they put on clothes that actually flattered them. "Wow, I have gorgeous legs!" "Hey, I do have a nice rack!" "I never thought I could look like this." It's so true! When you finally put on a pair of jeans that are actually cut for you, when you put on a dress that shows off your best assets, oh my goodness. It can drive you to tears, especially after years of walking into stores that have nothing, of seeing "beautiful" people on TV who look nothing like you. No matter how highly you think of yourself, it can be discouraging. And you settle. You settle for the "best you can find," instead of the best.

And how often do women settle in their lives? The clothing shopping experience becomes a metaphor for women's (perhaps everyone's) lives. You know what you want out of life, you know exactly what will make you happy, but you can't find it and don't know where to look for it or how to attain it, so you "settle." You settle for good enough. The good enough jeans, the good enough dress, the good enough dinner, the good enough car, the good enough job, the good enough boyfriend. Sometimes good enough is all you need (like a "good enough" tomato), but when everything in your life is "good enough," especially if you're a dreamer, you want to pull out your hair in frustration. Life is too exciting, there's too much for you to experience, yet you're stuck in the ordinary, the "good enough."

So my friend with the generous thighs and I buy low-rise jeans that we constantly pull up every time we sit down, because even though the waist is too big, we need to get jeans that fit over our big butts. We need mid-rise or high-rise, but guess what? Mid-rise jeans that are relaxed in the thighs are not "in style." Instead, all the mid-rise jeans are tight through the thighs right now. We have a hard time finding jeans that are tight in the waist and loose in the hips.

The glimmer of light in my facebook comment string was by the end, I put together everyone's recommendations for curvy-friendly stores. It shows how necessary it is for women to get together, share our stories, share our wisdom, even if the wisdom is about something as "unimportant" as where to buy cute jeans. Individually, we have little clue how to go about our lives, but together, we can do this!

By the way, here's our list in case you need some ideas:

"Seven" at Lane Bryant
"St. John's Bay" at J.C. Penney
Zara
Levi's
Fashion Bug
Old Navy (sometimes)
Torrid
Avenue
the maternity department at any store

I also typically have good luck at New York and Company and H&M.

Do virgins shop at Victoria's Secret?

Yes, well, Amy and I do anyway.

This Sweetest Day weekend, I spent one day with my girl, Amy, shopping. Amy is my fellow "virgin until marriage" friend. We walked into Victoria's Secret and neither one of us found what we wanted. While she tried on her unmentionables, though, I looked around at all the sexy duds and reflected. I've been to Victoria's Secret before and have bought bras and panties from there, yet I still feel out of place, like the store is not for me. I know the associates couldn't care less if I "belonged" there or not, if I was a virgin or not, if I was single or not. They just want me to buy crap. Yet my inner, egocentric teenager thought, "Everyone knows I'm a virgin and thinks I shouldn't be here!" Still, I continue to be amazed at all the different ways women can move, shift and tuck their flesh using the goodies at VS: "Can my girls really look like that?" "Could I get away with ruffles on my panties?"

Apparently Amy was thinking some of the same thoughts I was, because upon leaving, she said something along the lines of, "Too bad we aren't going on a honeymoon." I replied, "I know. What's the point of buying lacy, sequined, sexy bras when no one's gonna see it but me?" She said, "It's not gonna stay on very long anyway on your honeymoon!" I agreed, and said that the hubby probably couldn't care less if it all matched.

I admit, I do have one matching lace panty-bra set and some other cute, colored lingerie. This was per the suggestion of a college friend. Even though no one sees the duds, it does help you feel feminine, especially in winter. Underneath my layers of sweaters, cardigans and long johns, I wear lace to remind myself that I'm still female! I do walk with a little more "style" I guess, when I wear girly drawers instead of granny panties.

Still, it would be nice if someone besides me saw the cuteness.

And during my conversation, I might have admitted more than I wanted to admit, though perhaps Amy didn't notice. We discussed our dating woes and how it sometimes sucks not having a boyfriend. I said that I recognize that being single isn't a bad thing and that I have a good life. But it would be nice to share that life with someone, and just once, not sleep alone.

Be aware that I have said multiple times to her that I will NOT have sex before marriage. I said that I refuse, and if I do, the world is coming to an end! Now, though, as I continue to re-examine my stance, I'm starting to think that unless Amy marries first, she won't be the first of us to be deflowered. :/ When I consider whether or not to wait, sometimes it seems so silly to wait. So naive. So limiting. So backward. It made sense as a teenager, but now that I'm in my late twenties, I can't help but question my stance.

But it's hard to know what choice I would make because I've never had to say, "yes" or "no." I've never even been kissed!

Perhaps one day I will go into VS and buy something besides basic black or white, or perfume. Maybe one day I will walk in with a man and ask him which set he thinks would be sexier on me. And perhaps he will whisper the right response, "I don't care which you wear. It ain't staying on..."

"How to be more attractive to guys"

My inner, independent feminist is ashamed to admit that I did google this recently. I did this because upon reading the little that's out there about men putting women in the friend zone, I found out that the main reason men "friend zone" women is apparently because they don't find them attractive. The stereotype is men care the most about looks and women care the most about confidence.

I think I'm cute, but I recognize that I don't fit the magazine images of women. Well, I don't know any woman who looks like a supermodel, but I certainly am not as "girly" as some of my friends. I don't wear heels or makeup often. I don't have long hair. I usually dress modestly. I'm a bit of a "girl next door" type. So I began to wonder if I'm too much "cute" and not enough "sexy."

Well most of the resources were kind of inane and many were so unfeminist. Actually, a lot of the suggestions for "how to attract guys" I already knew. My inner feminist is not cool about the idea of sexing myself up just to catch a man. However, there was one suggestion I liked, and I actually found this out back in 7th grade but never jumped on this truth. Not surprisingly, I was not a "catch" in junior high. Who wants a goody-goody nerd that doesn't put out? Well on the day of our field trip to an opera, I decided to wear a red velour dress. It wasn't exceptionally revealing, but you could see my legs from the knees down and it was red. I got many compliments that day from junior high boys. I couldn't believe dorky me was getting male attention!

More than ten years later, I'm googling "how to attract guys" and what keeps popping up? "Wear red." I took a peek at my wardrobe and realized that I have very little red. So I went on a bit of a spree this weekend looking for red clothes (specifically deep reds and burgundy).

Now, I'm not convinced that suddenly I'll have men falling at my feet and asking for my number if I dress in red. However, I will say that when I tried on a red dress, I felt sexier. When I gazed upon myself in a fancy red dress, I said, "Damn!" I held my head (and chest) a little higher.

Maybe it's the attitude is most important anyway. I bought a casual red dress and a fancy one as well as a red blouse. In them, I wanted to flirt. I felt womanly. Maybe that's what really will make all the difference.