Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Off Track

So I didn't hit my New Years Resolution goal for this month. In all honesty, I didn't try very hard. I didn't follow my own advice of staying active on dating sites. In my defense, I have been busy this month (and just came back from being out of town). I was not in a dating frame of mind. Also, remember, I actually have been doing the online dating thing for seven months, not merely 3. The novelty is wearing off, needless to say.

Online dating has been discouraging. I've met 4 guys and did not go past "dating" with any of them. Most of the guys who message me don't read my profile, and the tone of their messages makes me think they're just looking for a fling. And the current young man I'm talking to, well, I'm just going to stop.

I know, beauty is only skin deep. Inner beauty is more important than outer beauty. However, Kyle has nothing going for him. His personality is blah. He also finally posted a pic of his whole face on the dating site, and his looks are blah. He's kind of scary looking with his lack of a smile, actually. It looked more like a mug shot. I know some guys are too macho, and too cool to smile. I don't like that. I pictured Kyle to be a shy but warm and sweet type, with a slightly scruffy, Johnny Depp-esque sense of style. His picture changes my view of him to a cold, unwelcoming type whose style is "black." He cut his hair too and now has a buzzcut. He had ear-length hair before, which I prefer on guys. He also finally listed his religion as "spiritual but not religious." Eh, I'm not opposed to trying out a "spiritual" man (Nate was Agnostic), but if this is in addition to a boring personality, not interested.

No wonder he's a 28 year old virgin.

Kyle sent me another email Friday, before I went out of town. I'm not going to write back. Yeah, I'm going to "play the game" a bit and not write back to see if that elicits a follow up "how are you, haven't heard from you in a while" email. I'm sure he's not that into me, and the feeling is mutual. Might as well just let the correspondence fade.

I'm not abandoning my resolution. Just because I slip up once is no reason to stop. I need to make it a priority again. Spring Break will provide a good opportunity to do just that.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Passive Agressive Brides and Jerseylicious

My entry refers to the segment below starting at 1:27.

Recently, while sitting in the waiting room at Jiffy Lube, I found myself watching Tyra's talk show. Don't hate! I do like Tyra, though I never watch her show. Anyway, on this episode, she talked to the cast of "Jerseylicious" and included questions from the audience. One young woman talked about how, as a perpetual bridesmaid, she always has to wear hideous bridesmaid dresses, and how she's sick of it. Alexa told the young woman to basically "tailor" the dress to make herself look hot. She also said that brides who submit their bridesmaids to ugly dresses are being passive aggressive, so it's alright to be passive aggressive right back to them.

I've only been to two weddings and I've never been a bridesmaid, so I don't know how accurate Alexa's point of view is. Are brides really so obsessed with being pretty that they don't want their maids to look pretty? However, it seems to make some sense. At both weddings I attended, the dresses did not look like dresses the maids could wear again, though one wedding had prettier dresses than the other. One wedding had matronly bridesmaid dresses. The outfit was a brown skirt with a white lacy top that did nothing for their figures. So in a way, I applaud Alexa's "eff you, bride" response of fixing the unflattering dress so that you look hot too.

Now, I understand that every bride wants to feel beautiful on her wedding day. She wants to wear the prettiest, most flattering dress she ever wore. She wants everyone to turn their heads when she passes. Every woman has the right to look and feel fabulous on her wedding day.

That shouldn't be at the expense, though, of her maids, who most likely are her dearest friends and family. She should feel secure enough in herself that she needn't worry about any of her maids "outdoing" her. It's a sacrament, not a beauty pageant. The maids have the right to feel beautiful too.

It made me reflect on what I would do if I ever got married. The blog, Offbeat Bride, has inspired me to go against the grain should I decide to marry. Why do all the bridesmaids need to wear the same dress anyway? Every person's body is different. I would be so pissed if my friend asked me to be a bridesmaid and then had me buy a dress with a color that flushed out my skin and a cut that was tight in all the wrong places. I hope that if I ever marry, I'll say to my bridesmaids, "buy whatever formal dress you want, just make sure it's color A or color B," depending on what my wedding colors are. I understand you might want some unity among the bridesmaids for the sake of the pictures and whatnot. So maybe I'll give them the same bouquet. However, my point is I don't want my bridesmaids, who'll be my closest friends and family, to feel ugly at my expense, just to solidify my position as the prettiest woman in the wedding.

Although I'm not a fan of reality shows, particularly when they focus so much on outer beauty and divas, maybe I will check out Jerseylicious one day.

Monday, March 15, 2010

matchmaker matchmaker...

This song has been in my head the past 24 hours. I've been a bit skeptical of all matchmaking services, casual or online, needless to say. Most resonant line: "Up to this minute I misunderstood that I could get stuck for good!"

Sunday, March 7, 2010


I try not to put too much stock in dreams. Some people read so much into them, as if they are prophecies, as if we are all Joseph and the amazing technicolor dreamcoat. True, dreams can give us some insight into our feelings, as people we are thinking a lot about often appear in our sleep. Although our dreams have some meaning, sometimes the meaning is mundane. We dream about work because we go there every day. We dream about guns because we watched an action-packed movie. We dream about our mothers after we have a fight with them.

Despite my logical, left-brainer approach to them, I sometimes am troubled by my dreams. Last night, I dreamt about someone I used to have a crush on, years ago, in freshman year of undergrad: "Tim." Tim is not too dissimilar to Walter. Both are liberal, radical activist types. Very political, and both a bit self-righteous, as in "you can't be a true radical/leftist/liberal unless you give up x, y, and z!" Walter, however, is religious while Tim is Atheist. The Atheism, angry self-righteousness and difference in sexual morals were what turned me off of Tim. Really, I had a thing for Tim mainly because I thought he liked me. Honestly, I still sometimes wonder if he harbors some attraction to me. I like to play with stories in my head. I started (and abandoned) a story based on him, about a young, Atheist, hard-ass liberal who falls for a good church girl, and just can't squelch the love, though it's unrequited. Perhaps I'm just in the mood for a good, unrequited love story. But upon more reflection, I always conclude that it is impossible for him to have a secret, seven year crush on me.

Anyway, my dream. I dreamt I was at a party, at the end of the night. I guess it was too late to go home on my own, so I laid down to sleep in one of those long, reclining lawn chairs, on the porch of the apartment where the party was held. It was dark, quiet, just some porch lights on. The sky was dark brown. Mild temperature, just a light breeze. I wasn't wearing a jacket. I was half asleep in the dream, so very relaxed and paying little attention to my environment. Along comes Tim, who lays on top of me (we're both fully clothed), and just wraps his arms around me and sleeps quietly. So warm, so nice it was to have another body mass lay on me. He wasn't heavy, I didn't choke, but I could feel the evenly distributed weight. He wasn't trying to make out or take off my clothes. Just laying. I wrapped my arms around him, his head just below my neck, on the left side of my chest. I felt so peaceful, it felt so natural, I didn't want it to end. My lips parted, waiting, excited, because I knew with his experience, he must be a good kisser. He shifted a little when I parted my lips.

And the dream ended, of course. It always ends before the best part.

And of course, it was one of the last dreams I had before waking up, so it's been on my mind all day. I woke up hot and bothered, not surprisingly. Passion unfulfilled. I do not have a crush on him anymore, though I believe his personality has improved. He isn't quite as angry and self-righteous as he became when the Iraq war started. He's more like the old Tim, laid back, funny, and now more gentlemanly. If only he weren't Atheist and sooo horny. There are qualities in him that I would like in a boyfriend.

Just the same, after last night's dream, if he ever leaned against me on the couch tried to sneak in a kiss with a hug, I can't say I'd push him away. :-P No, I am not interested in a FWB, but a peck (or two) wouldn't hurt!

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Weeding out the lames

One of the pros of online dating is you can weed out potential dates who are boring or horndogs. Such is the case lately with the current guy I'm talking to online.

I'm having flirting withdrawl, so I was excited when Kyle messaged me. Kyle is the boy from the "virgin dating" website who messaged me in December. He was eager to talk to with me, and I thought, "Yay, flirting time!"

Flirting is no fun when the flirting is one-sided. Apparently, one of the reasons this young man is a virgin is because he's shy when it comes to women. That's becoming painfully clear in our messages. I'm very good at keeping my messages brief, positive and interesting, leaving opportunities for the man to ask questions. I'll say "I take dance class on the weekends." Therefore, the man should respond, "What sort of dance do you take? How long have you been taking it?" If I say, "you're so sweet," he should reply, "you sound sweet as well." Right?

He's not asking about me at all, writing too-brief messages (last one was 3 sentences long) and is taking more than 24 hours to respond to each email. Red flag! After reading "He's Just Not That Into You," now I don't think a guy is interested in me if it takes more than 24 hours for him to respond to an EMAIL. Is it really that hard to type an email? In a full blown relationship, no, I don't think I'll need my boyfriend to talk to me every day, but early in the courtship, I now know that it's crucial to respond quickly. If a man doesn't, he's not that into me. No matter how busy a man is, if he likes you, he'll find time to communicate with you daily.

So Kyle is not so fun to talk to. He's about 3 hours away from me anyway, and his life does not sound particularly interesting. But I guess it's good I found this out now. Better to discover he's boring now than go on a date with him and discover it later. I'm not chasing this guy, and don't care if the emails cease altogether. I guess I'll just have to find someone else to flirt with.