Thursday, October 11, 2012

I'm vegan. Should I only date vegans?

My short answer is, “Maybe.” 

It’s funny.  Whenever I start dating a guy I particularly like, the first thing my friends ask is, “Is he vegan?” That question usually precedes “Does he want kids?”

“No kids” is my main deal-breaker!  

However, I went on some dates with a vegan guy recently, and I'm seeing the advantages. 

I forgot how big a deal it is to be a vegan.  Food is so central to socializing, to being human.  Pretty much the last thing even Jesus did before he died was have dinner with his buddies! 

Prior to dating Vegan Man, I didn’t think being vegan was crucial.  I did date a vegetarian, Catholic guy for a minute.  Wouldn’t a liberal, Catholic, vegetarian, activist guy would be a good match?

Nope!  Politics, religion and diet didn’t matter. Our personalities weren’t compatible and he wanted kids. 

So I stopped caring about the dude’s diet.  As long as he respected me and was willing to go places where I could have more than a salad, all was good.

But, attention single vegan women!  Maybe you knew this already, as I tend to be delayed in learning things, but dudes will say anything to impress you. 

“Oh yeah, I like vegan food once in a while.”  Translation? Whenever he hangs with you.

“I don’t always eat meat.”  Or, “Sometimes I just get a frozen cheese pizza."

In other words, his lack of meat-eating may not be deliberate, intentional, like it is with you.

But with a vegan guy, wow.  It’s easier.  Any restaurant he suggests will be vegan-friendly.  And it’s not like you are dragging him somewhere he may not want to go. 

It does kinda suck when a non-vegan guy wants to take you to his favorite joint, but you have to politely, graciously decline.  Sadly, his favorite place is BBQ Meat-O-Rama. 

And if you want to try the new veggie-friendly spot in town, vegan guy probably will too.  Then, you can be all cute and try food off each other’s plates! 

Plus, if you ever go past casual dating and perhaps into more serious territory, on holidays, you won’t be the only vegan at the table.  The hosts will already be accommodating for him. 

Vegan Man and I are not serious like that, by the way. He and I have only gone on two dates.  We are in the same vegan group, but he is only in town once a month.

Fortunately, we are facebook friends now, and he is becoming one of my biggest facebook fans at least. Vegan Man is attracted to me, but I doubt how serious his attachment is.  Is it purely lust?

Though I still won’t make “must be vegan” a deal-breaker, I will say that this experience is showing me how important it is. 

I won’t tell you to limit your options.  But vegan girl, pay particular attention to the vegan guys…

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Should women always let men chase them?

There is an "old" dating rule that is driving me a little crazy.  "Women should let men chase them."

Last night, I was facebook chatting with a friend who is on the dating scene.  When I told her about my online dating escapades, she asked, "Well what about the old-fashioned way?"  After I told her how that isn't working, she said to perhaps just stop looking and perhaps a man will come to me.

My response?  "They don't come to me whether or not I'm looking!"

I googled "should women always let men pursue?" Many results were in the affirmative.

To snag a man, let him do the chasing
Ladies, Let Men Pursue You!
Why You Should NEVER Pursue a Man

One link said women should always do the chasing, but I question anyone who references Ayn Rand.

However, not all my friends followed the "let the man chase you" rule.  Also, sitting back and waiting for a man to pursue puts you in a very powerless position.  It leaves you to their whims.  It turns you into a peacock. Dolling yourself up, on display, waiting for a man to notice you.

One could say to just work on you and not worry about men. So we should keep our eyes closed? Never keep an eye out for opportunities? Aren't men always on the lookout?

Some might argue that "chasing" is desperate.  How is initiating contact more desperate than lifting your skirt, batting your eyes and winking at every cute-ish dude across from you at a bar? Why is it "desperate" for a woman to initiate contact but "normal" for a guy to do so?

Now, the June boy, that I chased a little, said that he wants to stay friends, and I haven't heard from him since 4th of July.  I sent a mass "Happy 4th of July" text to my friends to which he responded.  Whenever guys say that they want to "just be friends" with me, I don't really believe it.  I think they were just feeding me a line to "let me down easy." I didn't hear from them again.

Just say, "Thanks for the nice times, good luck with everything." Man!

I don't know if I turned him off by chasing or if he was never that into me, but it is fun being the pursuer instead of the pursued!  And it's not like I texted him every darn day or begged him to take me out.  I just texted a couple times a week. And I kept my flirting at a low level.  Just occasional compliments. 

My feeling now is, every relationship "expert" has contradictory advice. From now on, I'm just going to do what feels right to me, and if dude don't like it, if he is turned off or threatened by a woman sending the first message online, then he isn't the guy for me.

What do you think? Should women always let the men chase them?

Thursday, June 14, 2012

What exactly is a "virgin?"

I've been pondering this a lot lately.  Although I'm still technically a "virgin," I'm not quite as virginal as I was earlier this year...

I had a fling in February, though I didn't know it was a fling.  There were signs along the way that the guy and I were falling into the fling zone, never to leave, but I hoped anyway.  February was A LOT of fun!  March and April were terrible.

Now I have an idea of what it must be like to go through withdrawal from a drug.  Although the guy and I didn't go "all the way," we did visit each others apartments, and clothes kind of just fell off...

Even at "third base," my hormones go nuts!  I read somewhere that the chemicals in the brain that fire while doing cocaine, I believe, also fire during orgasm. Or something. Here's an article about it.  Recovering from a boy is like recovering from a drug!

Anyway, it makes me wonder about the definition of a virgin.  Sure, me and my bestie both have never had vaginal sex, but are we in the same category of "virgin?"  I went from never kissing a guy to third base in one night! Amy isn't even comfortable dancing, just dancing, with a stranger, if he puts his hands anywhere on her abdomen.

It goes to show how labels are not always accurate.

I learned a lot from my experience with the February Fling, more than I could cover in one post.  However, one of my biggest lessons is now I know how far I can go, physically, without attaching to a guy.  I now know, in the future, that I can't even go to third base and then not see a guy ever again. 

There will be no happy-fun-naked times outside the context of a relationship.  No matter how tempting it is to recapture the ecstasy I had in February, I can't go that far without commitment.  The heartbreak aftermath is just not worth it.

Thankfully, the guy I'm "hanging out" with now is truly respectful and interested in me, not my body.  For those of you who are Jane Austen nerds like me, well, in February, I dated Mr. Wickham.  Now, I think I'm hanging with a version of Mr. Darcy!  I don't know if we'll go beyond friends, or go beyond one month, which is my record with any guy.  However, things have not been going the way of Mr. Wickham, and that is a very good thing!

So how do you define "virgin?"