Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Where do all the single men work?

One of the many reasons why I am still single is because I just do not encounter a lot of men daily, particularly at work. I live in a neighborhood full of millennials, which helps with "chance encounters," but my industry is predominantly female. There are no men at my job, at all.

I am contemplating a career change. Not to find a man...necessarily. However, I am considering a career in a field that has more men. Actually, I think it’s predominantly male (woohoo!). So just for fun, I decided to google which jobs are male-heavy. Some I would have thought of on my own (like construction), but it was fun to just see more official lists and get more ideas. With some help from, NEW and the Florida Times, here is a list of jobs dominated by men:

Construction inspectors
Computer repairers
Railroad conductors
Truck drivers
Small engine mechanics

So if you’re thinking of a career-change, why not put yourself in the place of more suitors? Although, if you are a construction worker, I guess the men might not find you all that feminine or womanly. Well, that is, until you come to the holiday party all dolled-up! You can also work behind the desk in some of these industries though as the accountant, secretary, lawyer, etc. Why not consider it?

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Always be ready for an encounter

When I was a teenager, men often flirted with me at the laundromat, of all places. That always boggled my mind. My hair was a mess. I was dressed in old gym shoes, jogging pants and an oversized winter coat. So not-sexy. Plus, I was fifteen, and have always looked three or more years younger than my age. I thought, "Eww, dirty old men!" Although laundry day provided me-time to listen to my Discman and finish my homework, on those days, I liked it when my father stopped by the laundromat a bit too early.

No one had approached me at the laundromat since high school, until Sunday.

I saw a young-ish man checking me out. Well, I thought I did. I am notorious for misinterpreting signals. Anyway, he was kinda cute, to me anyway. It was hard to fully gauge his cuteness as he was dressed in ratty laundry-day clothes, but he had a cute face. I walked past him a few times to verify my suspicions (and give him something to look at in case he was checking me out...).

This laundromat has a room with wifi where you can work on your laptop. I sat in there and net-surfed while my clothes were drying. The young man stopped in and asked, "Do you think my clothes are dry yet?" I replied I didn't notice when he started the dryer but it was seven minutes per quarter. He glanced at my laptop and then said, "Let me show you something. Go to youtube." He showed me a variety of silly youtube videos that he liked. Some were funny and some were mindless time wasters, but he was cute and had a nice smile and pretty eyes, so I didn't mind the company. :-P He showed me some clips of his favorite anime too. Wow, we anime fans can sniff each other out anywhere, huh? I have been out-of-touch with all things anime since high school, however.

Of course, I was taking mental notes of said boy as we talked, well, he talked, rather. He had a specialized knowledge (plus), he was friendly without being all "hey baby, hey hot stuff" (plus), he could hold a conversation (plus), he took the initiative to approach me (plus). Oh, and yeah, he was cute. I was playing "makeover" in my head, imagining how he might look when he wasn't in laundry-day gear. I wasn't sure how old he was, knew no details like job, school, or whatnot, and didn't want to go there, really. All I knew was he was a friendly, youngish guy in my neighborhood who knew how to do his own laundry and shares an interest with me.

He eventually said, "Hey, do you have facebook?" It was one of the tabs on my computer screen so I had to say, "Yes." He said, "Here, friend request me." Twitter is actually for my professional stuff, which I would have been more comfortable giving, but he didn't have Twitter, so I facebooked him. Whoa, how did he manage to get a facebook friend request out of me? This guy's good. I figured if the guy turned out to be weird, I could always delete him later. I guess this was his equivalent of asking a girl for her number.

I googled his name later (of course) and found out that he was actually twenty-years old. Ew, he can't even drink legally yet? That's almost a ten year difference. Darn google. Why did I have to google him and spoil my fun? Anyway, I have to give the young guy kudos for doing what guys my age don't do (anymore?). I know I was giving off "leave me alone" body language, though I was consciously trying to be more approachable.

But this boy did exactly what any match needs to do with me. The guy needs to approach me, but he needs to do it in a friendly way. No "hey beautiful, hey baby girl, can I talk to you?" Just come and talk to me, maybe talk about a "prop" I'm carrying. He needs to actually be able to talk about something other than work or school. He needs to be persistent, even when I'm giving off "leave me alone," signals (like me saying, "I have to get going"). Is it a lot? Yeah, maybe. But he got a friend request out of me, which gives a lot of access to my personal, inner world. I don't even give that to guys I contact on okcupid. I don't even give out my phone number until right before I meet a guy! So his persistence worked.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

How to (indirectly) let him know he isn't getting any...

In hindsight, I have realized that some of the men I dated might have been expecting something to happen after the date. They asked, "So, you up for anything else?" "You want a ride home? (after the first date)" "You wanna go anywhere else." I, of course said, "No," but later thought, "Wait, what were they really asking for?" I know I didn't give off much (if any) "Take me now," body signals. I never discuss sex on dates.

Now, however, I've figured out a few ways to let the guys indirectly know that nothing is happening after the date, in case they couldn't figure it out by our lack of sex talk and me only hugging them after the date.

1) Put a time limit on the date-I tell guys when we're setting up the date that I will only have 45 minutes to an hour.

2) Schedule dates in the afternoon or early evening-Apparently, if the date is after sundown, some guys seem to assume the date is going to go all night. Schedule it early!

3) Have a lie ready, especially if you have to meet after dark-Of course, if he's nosy and asks what you have going on after the date, you could be honest and say, "Oh, I'm just tired," or "Oh I need some me-time," as "None of your business" is probably too mean. :-P However, implying that you'll be home alone might leave the door open for him to pester you and say, "Well, do you want a little company?..." I always have a stock lie ready (which I have yet to use): my neighbor is having a girls-night-in at her apartment.

4) Have your own way to get home-It seems some guys think of a ride home as a down payment for action. Is that some "game" thing? If you offer a girl for a ride and she says "Yes," that means she wants you to come to her apartment? I don't know all the "rules." If I wanted him to come upstairs, I wouldn't have waited until the car ride to tell him so!

Whenever I have put a limit on the date and scheduled the dates by day, I never had a slightly awkward, "So, you wanna do anything else," conversation. But even the guys who were hoping for some action on date one seem to get it after date two, and I never hear from them again (thankfully).