getting their act together

I got a phone call tonight for yet another elove referral. Rats. Now they are actually sending me dates. The guy is named Lou. He already got a letter about me in the mail but I haven`t received one for him, so the phone call was a surprise. He sounds a bit old. And he`s out in the burbs, but at least he will drive into the city for me. I still am on a high from Mark too, though l know he is probably not into me. Still, I just can`t trust elove. Hopefully the hour date won`t be totally dull. Let`s see how well they responded to my feedback.

August date: check!

So elove did send me a referral after all. Rats. I hoped Shea was bs'ing me 100% so I could go forward with my plan: send a complaint to the BBB and block further transactions. I don't think I'm justified in doing that right now since they aren't really in breach of contract. However, I won't call them anymore. If another 3 or 4 months go by without a referral, I'll just continue with my plan to complain and block transactions.

My date with "Juan" was last Friday. I'm trying to document as best I can any contact with elove and what happened/was said on the date, so if they send me a referral that was not what I requested, I have grounds to complain. The date was so-so. He was Mexican (mestizo, to be more precise), so he was definitely one of the more attractive of the guys I've dated! Tan skin, dark short hair that was a bit spiky, a little over six feet tall and five years older than me. Thin, but fit. I saw him walking toward the cafe out the corner of my eye and I didn't think it was him. I thought he was too cute to be my date. It's not that I don't think I deserve an attractive date. I just thought they'd match me with someone somewhat nerdy, like me. Attractive guys never want a second date with me. It's the nerdy ones who are more interested. Anyway, he also was gentlemanly: held the door and paid for my meal.

However, like the last date, he was kinda dull. He's a mechanic (way to be stereotypical Mexican) and that's pretty much all he does. Fix cars and hang out with friends. Yawn. I told elove I want a guy with varied interests, who does more than go to work. The conversation started to slip into car repair and I (sort of abruptly) changed the subject. I tried to keep questions open-ended and do more listening this time. I asked him about Mexico, but we started to slip into a conversation about immigration. It wasn't heated, but I know NOT to talk politics on a first date, so I changed that too. I set the limit of one hour for the date and that was the right time to leave. There wasn't more to talk about, really. Or rather, I couldn't think of any more interesting topics to discuss (that would be appropo for a first date).

There were two main objections I had to him. Juan owns a house (good), but it's in a suburb of my city. His mom lives with him too. Boo. He likes living in the burbs and that won't work for me in the longterm. I'm a city girl. Living with mom is also a turn-off for me. The main drawback, though, is that he wants kids someday. I know I told elove that I don't want kids! So my feedback will focus mainly on those objections. I hate to admit it, but they did send me two guys who were among the cuter of the men I've dated, but the personalities are wrong. I can't be that boring! I can't!

It's BS with elove, this feedback. They screw you over. My interviewer told me to be specific, but if you are specific, you don't get referrals, because you're too specific. What in the world? You can't win. I'm so not paying for a matchmaker again once I'm done with elove!

elove: the continuing saga

And so begins my mission to get out of my elove membership (legally).

Well, as you may recall, I signed a contract binding me to elove's services against my better judgment. What was I thinking? Why didn't I listen to instinct, the little voice telling me something is up? I agreed to a $2000 plan which I would pay off over two years. This included 12 referrals (dates). My first (and so far only) referral called me the week of Cinco de Mayo before I got his info. We went on a mediocre date that weekend and I gave my feedback immediately. I have heard NOTHING from elove. Not a thing.

I also have been googling "elove scams" and continue to find complaints and info on their shady practices. One particularly interesting page was The Right One Blows Chunks. The Right One is (one of) their former aliases. I basically had all the same "warning signs" he had, which now leads me to believe that my interviewee was totally feeding me scripted, practiced lines. I also read a story where a woman said TRO hired someone to go on a date with her. Yes, they hire stooges (or at least her branch did)!

Given that, I did a google search and facebook search on my old referral wondering if he was a stooge too. He's not on any social networking site, but I found out that his first name given on the referral sheet was a diminutive. Entering his full name, still no social networks, but now I know he worked at ----Bank in 2008 and gave money to the Obama campaign. I called his number again and it's still him (his voice mail answered, I didn't leave a message). Perhaps he was an actual member and not a stooge, but now I'm skeptical.

Before I give them any more of my money, I decided to try and cancel today.

I called membership services saying I wanted to cancel because I was dissatisfied with the service. Shouldn't have said my reason for calling. Of course, my local matchmaker (or whoever she is), Shay, was "on another call." So I left my name and number and was told she would call back. Three hours later, I called back saying I wanted to cancel because I'm not pleased with the service, that I hadn't had a referral since the first one, and that I wanted no more money withdrawn from my bank account. She said even if I cancelled the membership, I would still have to pay. If I didn't cancel within the 3 days after I signed, I'm obligated to pay. Even if I get married. She constantly answered, "No," as in no I can't get out of it.

But coincidentally enough, she was working on a referral for me today and was just waiting on him to call back before sending it to me. Uh huh. I had to call them to get them looking for a referral (or stooge) for me. She said sometimes things are slow over summer because people are on vacation and that sometimes it takes awhile to match people based on the criteria given. I said that I told Kimberly that it was okay if they were lenient on some criteria to get me "out there" and dating. The criteria I gave was already pretty open to begin with! She asked if it was necessary for the man to never have been married and I said that "Divorced is fine," though I honestly don't want anyone with an ex-wife, especially when they are so young. The only non-negotiable was that he can't want or have kids. So I had to loosen up the criteria though I am the one paying the $2000.

I am determined, though, to find some way out of this. I'm tempted to file a complaint to the BBB and just tell the bank to have the payments stopped. The two things I'm wondering about is there's a portion of the contract missing and the business address given does not show up on any google search. I'm trying to see if either makes the contract null and void.

Mutual Disinterest

It's so nice when the feeling, or lack thereof, is mutual! No drama, no worrying about what to say, how to dress, whether or not to call, what to do on a second date, how to let the guy down easy if he likes me and I don't care for him in that way...

Nick hasn't called me back, which is fine with me. I waited until Tuesday of last week, and then I sent in my feedback to elove.

What's difficult about elove's feedback requirements is that they want you to be honest, be specific, but not be critical of the referral. I understand that "he's boring and ugly and undateable" is useless feedback, and you want to focus on the date, not the person. But then, how can I "be specific" without being at all critical of the guy? "There was just no chemistry," is not helpful feedback either for a matchmaker. They can't guarantee chemistry and therefore there really is nothing they can do if you just don't "feel it" with the guy.

Well, my membership includes 12 referrals, I believe. So there's 11 more chances, 11 more guys I have yet to meet. They really did do a good job on their first try. Hopefully among their male members is someone who is boyfriend material for me.

On the right track...

Yesterday I had a date with my first referral from elove. Although I'm not sure where we'll go from here, I must say they did a good job on round one.

They really did try to match me up with a guy who fit what I wanted and whose personality went well with mine. When the interviewer asked me what guys I find most attractive, I replied that like most people, I often find guys that look like a male version of me are the most attractive :-P. Well, Nick did have features similar to mine so of course I thought he was cute (not "hot," but I recognize hotness does not necessarily equal quality). Both of us also don't eat meat, have the same number of siblings (with a similar age gap between us and our younger siblings) and live within about 5 miles of each other. Also, I said I wanted a man who was stable, employed and independent, all of which he fits. He's a gentleman too, per my request. It sounds like he's Christian (though I didn't ask directly) and he might not be eager to have children. He's also the height and build I wanted.

I wish, though, that elove didn't ask us to give feedback after the first meeting. If I gave feedback now, I'd say give me a new referral. He seemed a little nervous and was not the best at maintaining a conversation. Also, he seemed a little too ordinary. I have various hobbies, like to travel and basically try to do more than just my job. However, all Nick does is work and play basketball with his brothers. He admitted to being a bit of a homebody. Although I am introverted and do enjoy occasional days or weekends where I just sit at home, I wouldn't define myself as a "homebody."

So he's kinda boring. I feel sorry for him. He really is a sweet guy, but as they say, nice guys finish last. That probably explains his lack of a girlfriend.

The fact that he never finished college is a bit of a turn-off too. But at least he has a decent job and works hard. That's not true for all college grads.

However, I know people tend to be more nervous and awkward on first dates than they might be on following dates. Because he is such a nice guy, I'm willing to try a second date with him before I give the feedback. I put it on him, though, to call me. After reading "He's Just Not That Into You," I refuse to chase a guy. Let him call me, let him chase me. Perhaps that's old fashioned, but I am notorious for being a chaser and misinterpreting friendliness for romantic interest. I'll give him a few days, and if he doesn't call, I'll send in my feedback. If he really likes me, he'll call.

So I'll just tell them that I want a guy who was basically a "Nick" but with hobbies and interests outside of work.

Matchmaking scam?

Uh oh.

OK, if you use eLove, definitely do not take price at face value. There is no reason to pay more than you have to for this.

I did some perusing online, which I should have done before going to the interview (lesson learned). I googled matchmaking scams as well as e Love. Many of the matchmaking scams are pretty obvious. Russian bride scams, scams from small mom and pop organizations, matchmaking services that cost upwards of $100,000.

In terms of eLove, it seems to be a mixed bag. They were one of the top three rated companies at the Internet Dating & Matchmaking Conference. Also, upon looking it up at bbb.org, it's listed as a Better Business Bureau accredited business under its old name, The Right One.

But upon looking up The Right One on Ripoff Report, it is not without complaints. Many of the complaints are a few years old, though, and only one is for the office in my state. I guess the fact that the company has changed it's name over the years is a cause of concern, but it has bought out other companies. So that might be the reason for the name changes, not because they had so many complaints and therefore were changing their business name to cover their ass.

When I read the complaints though, many expressed disappointment at the matches. One man said the women were ugly.

Now I understand that if you give negative feedback about a date and the company sends you another match with the same qualities, you should complain. The woman I spoke to told me to be picky so they could pinpoint what I want. So if they don't take my feedback into account, then yes they have violated the agreement. One person said the match had a criminal record which is definitely grounds for complaint because eLove claims to do background checks.

But complaining because they gave you "ugly" people? You just didn't like the matches? Well, that's a risk you take with any matchmaking service. They can't guarantee chemistry.

But the potential loss is greater with a traditional maker.

I'll be explicit: they're charging me about $2000, which I'm paying off over the course of 24 months. So it comes out to about $70 a month. Hey, there are matchmaking services that cost over $10,000 and they originally were going to charge me $5000 to join. When I told her what I could afford per month, she was able to knock off more than half the price. True, there's a chance that they won't find me anyone within their pool, but that's a risk I'm taking. So I can't really be mad at them if nothing comes of it, as long as they're doing everything they claimed they would do on their end.

The company has 1000's of members and a few dozen complaints (many of the older ones listed on bbb.org were resolved, by the way). Any company is going to make mistakes now and then, and it's clear that certain offices are more guilty than others. As I said, my office only had one complaint. I have to give the benefit of the doubt that the majority of members are satisfied. I also found a story where they took on people who were rejected by beautifulpeople.com. Also, Online Dating Insider visited in November and said nothing along the lines of the complaints on Ripoff Report.

So if it's ok'ed by the Better Business Bureau, if other people in the matchmaking biz are taking it seriously, I guess I can calm down. And anyway, if they try to take away more money from me past the 24 months, I have another checking account I can transfer all my money to so they can't get me (until I can get them out of my hair).

It's gotta be legit. But I'll keep a critical eye open.

A lid for every pot

Alright. I've done it. I joined a matchmaking service.

The service is called elove. It's beaucoup bucks, but they negotiated with me. I'm not at liberty to discuss the agreement, but if you try it out, don't be turned off by the price.

I'm feeling really positive about it! They called me up for a phone interview last week and I went in for my face-to-face interview today. The woman was very genuine, friendly, professional and approachable. She's been matchmaking for 10 years too.

Their process really is fascinating. It's not computerized matchmaking a la eharmony. I did fill out two surveys, but mainly it was about the interview. It was nice to talk to someone about what I wanted in a possible long term relationship. She said that the matchmakers come together with the applicants and literally fight over who should match with who. I heard that RA's are chosen in a similar way. It must be fun living vicariously through their clients, playing matchmaker.

What was a confidence booster for me however, was her reaction when I told her I'd never been in a long term relationship. She said, "but you're so bubbly and friendly." It was nice to have someone who didn't analyze my lack of a boyfriend as due to something wrong with me. She also said I was cute and looked "different" in a good way, like men should be drawn to me when I enter a room. I know that might sound fishy, like she was just feeding me a line, but she really seemed impressed with me and sincere. It's hard to describe. Anyway, she understood the struggles I've been having and reassured me that my experience was normal, that there are lots of people in my boat.

Also, I was so grateful that they cut me a deal. She must have really sold me to her boss. She even said, "I don't want money to keep you from finding love." Again, I know that when you read that online, it might sound like she was just feeding me a line, but I think she really was sincere. My disappointment upon seeing the price must have choked her as it choked me. It was heartbreak, really. Just as I was feeling good that maybe I can be matched, that I'm not such an oddball, that someone can find me a quality man, that there is a lid for the pot that is me, I turned hopeless.

I usually don't feel dejected about my single status and don't become hopeless at the idea that there might be no match for me. However after the stressful two weeks, I've had, after the bad news I've received in the past 24 hours, this was just...I don't know. It was a Murphy's Law moment. "Even a matchmaker can't help me? I really do need to just get this dating stuff out my head."

But now, in 7-10 days, I can expect a call, just in time for my trip to Memphis next weekend :-P. Great. It's expensive, yes, more than eharmony or match.com or any online dating site. However, I think this investment will bring a better return than the money I've wasted on trial online dating memberships. It's clear that after 8 months of doing this on my own, I need help. Online dating just isn't yielding anything serious. I can't find quality men online for free.

Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match...

Three boys? Which to choose?

So after nothing (really) since January, I can potentially have 3 boys to choose from.

I still have an almost-crush on Mark from the Book Club. He's starting to smile and look at me more, which is better than bad, though still neutral. Whenever I speak at the Book Club, he's a captive listener and always responds to me...well okay he responds to everyone. Whenever he talks about a previous meeting, though, he looks at me, though I'm not the only member of the group who went to the previous meeting. Look at me! I'm acting like Anne in Persuasion. Any little gesture or movement makes me go, "Maybe he likes me!" He hasn't asked for my number, made small talk with me after a meeting or facebooked me. He has my first and last name, so if he wanted to track me down, it wouldn't be difficult. I guess he really isn't that into me.

Then there's Kyle, the boring guy from the virgin website. His contact is infrequent and his profile pic is a little unsettling. Not warm and smiley. Very cold and hard. However, he said he'll be in town soon and would like to meet up, and I just can't get the nerve to say, "Uh, I don't want to meet you anymore because you're boring and look kinda scary." I might do the trick of having someone give me an "emergency" call part way into the date. "Sorry Kyle. My best friend is having a boy problems big time. I can't get into details but I need to cut it short and give her a call back." Something like that. He's not on any social network, which makes cyber-stalking difficult. On my google search, I found him on some car forums, that's it. I just want to make sure he isn't a psycho.

Finally, I'm going to try out elove, a local matchmaking service. They called me one night for a phone consultation (I left my contact info at Speed Dating) and I was too tired to just hang up on them and say, "No thanks." However, it sounds like a really thorough company. I set up an appointment for a face-to-face interview, which is supposed to take about 90 minutes. Yeah, hardcore. They do background checks on everyone too. Well, if it's less than $100, I'll try out the service. They claim to have a good success rate. Considering I have made little progress online dating of late, it's worth a shot I suppose. My money might actually go somewhere, unlike the $30 each I wasted on eharmony and match.com.

Be careful what you wish for. I'm most excited about elove. Even if I don't go with the service, it'll be nice to just talk to a "Relationship Specialist" anyway.