Tuesday, April 13, 2010

violently in love

In Pride and Prejudice, Austen describes Mr. Darcy as violently in love with Elizabeth...I think. Well, I'm not 100% sure, but that fits my attitude lately. Or at least, it fits where I want to be.

Let me be more specific. I'm in the mood for someone to be violently in love with me. I want a secret admirer. Recently, I've been watching more lovey-dovey types of shows in movies. In particular, I'm eagerly awaiting the series finale of one of my favorite shows, "Ugly Betty." No, I'm not a "Detty" per se. I don't want Betty to fall for Daniel in the final episode and for them to run off in each other's arms. That would be a cheesey way to end the series. However, after Hilda's marriage and Daniel looking so lovingly at Betty, I do want him to confess.

Hey, when you're a single virgin, sometimes you live vicariously through fictional characters!

Add to that nicer Spring weather plus recently finishing Persuasion and now I want some guy to be madly, violently in love with me. I want to be adored. Honestly, I do want some (worthy) man to stumble and falter from violent love in my presence. I want to give a man butterflies. I want a guy to be enchanted by me. Needless to say, I'm more eager to get more serious about online dating, at least compared to the apathy I've been feeling since February.

The moderator of the book club I joined, Mark, might be my next crush pending further investigation. ;-P I know little about him other than he's single, likes books and is a phD student. He's at a pretty smarty-pants school and an immigrant. I don't know his sexuality nor do I know if he's "into" someone else. For a moment, I suspected if he was into me, but no major signs are there. Plus, because I "almost" am in pursuit of him, I might be misinterpreting neutral singles for romantic interest. I do that a lot. Anyway, I tried to get there early, to the book club meeting I mean, to try and attempt some small talk, but it wasn't early enough. One other man was there, and I had a burst of nervousness. If I'm not comfortable around him, that might not be a good sign.

In any case, I am determined not to chase after guys or lust after guys who don't like me. That has been my pattern since....always. No more! I know a little imagining doesn't hurt, but I can't let this almost-crush keep me from remaining active in online dating.

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