Why I need to stop facebook-stalking

I facebook-stalk in an attempt to find out if the guy I'm crushing on is crushable. "Is he single?" "Is he straight?" Yes, I have this tendency to crush on guys who are gay, because I have a broken "gaydar."

But facebooking-stalking, lately, has been ruining the fun. It has abruptly stopped my crushing twice. Once I found out info on the guys, I said, "Oh, nevermind. We'll just be friends."

The most recent crush was a guy I met at a community center in my neighborhood three weeks ago. "Jack" is a cute guy. Short, curly black hair. Tan skin. Thick glasses. A few inches taller than me and a thin-to-average build. Super-friendly. And he busted out some Spanish at one point to some people who walked in. Bilingualism is definitely a turn-on for me sometimes. There were a few other volunteers at the center but he couldn't stop talking to me, asking me questions, smiling at everything I say.

I went back to the center over the weekend for a movie night. He actually remembered my name! :) We chatted for a bit before the movie started. After the movie, I ended up conversing with another guy and he ended up talking in another group.

I promptly proceeded to facebook-stalk that night. I only had his first name, but the movie night was posted as an event on facebook. I found him through that. Yes, I have some mad facebook-stalker skills.

Jack's profile was private! Boo. I usually don't friend people, especially people I just met. I let others friend me. But eh, why not? He remembered me, after all. I friended him and mentioned that I was at the movie night. To my delight, he accepted my friend request.

To my dismay, he is six years younger than me. He is also Atheist. Man. Now my crush is gone.

This is why I need to stop facebook-stalking cuties I meet "in real life." I have a rapport with a guy, then I discover incompatibility when I look him up. And it's not something unimportant to me, like music or movie tastes. It's something really important to me, like religion. And then I don't want to pursue him beyond friendship.

Of course when I return to the center for future events, I will gladly stop and have a conversation or two with him. But in the meantime, I guess it's back to okcupid.

Follow me on twitter @flamencokitty.

Image: Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Do I want a husband, or just sex?

I have mentioned before that my best friend, Amy, and I are still virgins. She is gung-ho about holding the cherry hostage until marriage.

Right now, I don’t care if I walk down the aisle de-flowered. I haven’t told Amy that I’m not feeling the “wait ‘til marriage” thing anymore.

Anyway, I think we’ve been having similar feelings lately and are interpreting them in different ways. She longs for marriage, like, right now.

For once, Amy’s been trying harder than me to get a man. Her skirts are a little shorter. She’s actually wearing skirts! And heels! And she is finally moving beyond solid colored cardigans and jeans and no makeup. Now she puts makeup on daily, shows a little cleavage and wears bright colors and patterns.

She even started online dating, two years after me. She gave up after a few weeks, though, when she couldn’t get past the online chatting with any guy.

Whenever she talked to a guy online, she told me about why she thought he might be “the one,” why he might make a good husband.

Yes, Amy flat out told me that she really wants a husband. She also hopes the courtship is brief, perhaps only a few months, just like it was with her virginal parents.

And every single time we hang out now, she talks about the lack of men our age in the place. I sometimes don’t even notice. I’m too busy eating or talking to her or whatever.

If Amy is feeling how I’ve been feeling lately, I wonder if it’s really desire for marriage, or if she is just “in heat?”

One of the many reasons I’ve been less active in dating since Spring is because of my toy. Whenever I get all aflutter, satisfaction is just a flick of the switch away. I know Amy has no “toys” and I’m sure she follows the Catholic rule of not pleasuring yourself either.

I can’t imagine the level of sexual frustration that is still pent up in Amy.

I am talking to new guys in public and occasionally send messages on OkCupid. I do try to stay open and alert for guys who are looking my way. I even talked to a guy in a bar recently!

But my level of desperation is not Amy’s. Marriage is not on the horizon for me, and I’m okay with that.

I mean, I still haven’t even been kissed. Let’s get over that hurdle first!

Follow me on twitter @flamencokitty .

Image: Sharron Goodyear / FreeDigitalPhotos.net