Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Do I want a husband, or just sex?

I have mentioned before that my best friend, Amy, and I are still virgins. She is gung-ho about holding the cherry hostage until marriage.

Right now, I don’t care if I walk down the aisle de-flowered. I haven’t told Amy that I’m not feeling the “wait ‘til marriage” thing anymore.

Anyway, I think we’ve been having similar feelings lately and are interpreting them in different ways. She longs for marriage, like, right now.

For once, Amy’s been trying harder than me to get a man. Her skirts are a little shorter. She’s actually wearing skirts! And heels! And she is finally moving beyond solid colored cardigans and jeans and no makeup. Now she puts makeup on daily, shows a little cleavage and wears bright colors and patterns.

She even started online dating, two years after me. She gave up after a few weeks, though, when she couldn’t get past the online chatting with any guy.

Whenever she talked to a guy online, she told me about why she thought he might be “the one,” why he might make a good husband.

Yes, Amy flat out told me that she really wants a husband. She also hopes the courtship is brief, perhaps only a few months, just like it was with her virginal parents.

And every single time we hang out now, she talks about the lack of men our age in the place. I sometimes don’t even notice. I’m too busy eating or talking to her or whatever.

If Amy is feeling how I’ve been feeling lately, I wonder if it’s really desire for marriage, or if she is just “in heat?”

One of the many reasons I’ve been less active in dating since Spring is because of my toy. Whenever I get all aflutter, satisfaction is just a flick of the switch away. I know Amy has no “toys” and I’m sure she follows the Catholic rule of not pleasuring yourself either.

I can’t imagine the level of sexual frustration that is still pent up in Amy.

I am talking to new guys in public and occasionally send messages on OkCupid. I do try to stay open and alert for guys who are looking my way. I even talked to a guy in a bar recently!

But my level of desperation is not Amy’s. Marriage is not on the horizon for me, and I’m okay with that.

I mean, I still haven’t even been kissed. Let’s get over that hurdle first!

Follow me on twitter @flamencokitty .

Image: Sharron Goodyear /


  1. Growing up, I scoffed at the idea of only having sex with one person, and thought that waiting until marriage was insane.

    Now that I'm older, the whole thing makes more sense to me. My husband and I didn't wait until marriage, but he is the only person I've ever had sex with. I don't regret that at all. I actually hate the idea of being with anyone else and have zero desire to do so.

    My ex-boyfriend was very religious and believed in the idea of abstinence until marriage. Back then, it was a struggle for me and when we broke up it was hard for me to realize that we'd never experience that together. Now, I'm just relieved that I didn't ruin that for him - I would have felt so guilty about it.

    I think that it's important to stay true to your beliefs, even if they are not my own. You'll find "the one" eventually and you won't regret your decision to wait.

  2. Thanks for the encouragement!

    Well, no. I don't want to sleep with a lot of men. It'd be nice to count all the men I've slept with on one hand, or one finger, even.

    But I also don't see my virginity as this "gift" I must give to my future husband. I don't think my virginity is the greatest "gift" I can give a man. I'm more than the stuff between my legs.

    And it seems like most men don't care if you're a virgin anyway. I don't know if I want a man who, if I weren't a virgin, would judge me or see me as a sinner.

    Sex can't fix a bad relationship, but it can make a good relationship better. If the relationship is going well and we both want to get together, I'm not seeing the point in clinging onto the cherry at all costs.