Partying: Catholic style

A new free magazine aimed at Catholic singles, Tobias, recently began distribution. As a single person who frequently feels invisible at family-centered Masses, I jumped on the opportunity to subscribe to a free magazine that focused on people like me. Some articles are uber-Catholic (i.e. an article that basically said the best sex is sex within marriage), but others have insight that is useful to all single Catholics, traditional and non-traditional.

One article this month, I suppose, was based on the assumption/stereotype that singles love to partay. It was called something like, "Catholics throw the best parties," and said how "Catholic" it is to throw big celebrations. Also, it mentioned that the Catholic church has built in days of celebration throughout the liturgical year and to have a boring party is to be very un-Catholic.

Although the author made some good points, one might argue that it was trying too hard to appeal to singles and perhaps missed the mark on what Catholic singles, particularly the ones who would read Tobias, actually care about. I don't know if the drunken, party-hard Catholics (or former Catholics) would pick up that magazine.

One point in that article I took issue with was when the author said weddings are supposed to be big. He used the wedding at Cana as an example. Jesus' first miracle was turning water into wine. According to the authour, Jesus' first miracle was about keeping the party going and celebrating. Firstly, I question if Jesus' intent really was to keep everyone partying and drunk or if turning water into wine had more to do with the Eucharist and the sacrifice he would be making later. Also, the author used the example of a "typical Southern Baptist" wedding as being un-Christian. According to him, in Southern Baptist weddings, the ceremony lasts only 20 minutes and then everyone goes to the church hall to have non-alcoholic beverages. The author felt that was totally "yawn." OK, that wasn't the author's wording, but that was the connotation.

I never went to a Southern Baptist wedding, but actually, that wedding description sounded way more Christian than some of the other weddings, Catholic or not, that people throw. The wedding at Cana might have been a big deal where everyone in Cana came, sure (I mean, what else was there to do?). But that was 33 A.D. There was no multi-million (perhaps multi-billion) dollar wedding industry telling brides they need to spend tens of thousands of dollars for their wedding to be special, to be perfect. Brides didn't have to go multiple times to the bridal shop to have their wedding dress fitted. Banquet halls and DJs didn't have to be rented. Brides in 33 A.D. didn't spend hours agonizing over what color the centerpieces on their table should be, how high heels to wear, what year of wine to serve. Today, couples get so wrapped up in all that pomp and circumstance of weddings that the actual sacrament gets forgotten, not to mention corporations eating up a couple's hard-earned money.

I agree that some Christians need to learn to "party more." However, first and foremost, a wedding is about a couple coming together in God's name, asking the community to bless their union. Many couples today are opting for smaller, cheaper, more intimate affairs (heavily influenced by today's economy), trying to spend under $10,000 on their wedding. That already sounds like too much to me, but anyway. We are supposed to celebrate seasons of the Church and seasons of our lives, but not at the expense of the original message, the original intent of the celebration.

you go Offbeat Bride!

I like the wedding blog, Offbeat Bride, although I am no where near planning a wedding. I'm still working on finding dates! It's just inspirational seeing people do what THEY want to do, regardless of what society (and the wedding industry) says a wedding should be.

Recently, they had a post about losing your virginity on your wedding night. Some of the advice goes against what Catholics are "supposed" to do (or rather, not do :-P), but I still thought the advice as well as the comments that followed made good points. I particularly liked how they said you shouldn't leave your pleasure completely in the hands of your partner. Communicate!

Personally, although I used to say I would wait until "the wedding night," I'm not so sure about that now. Firstly, not all virgins feel like sex after all the craziness of the wedding day, so I might be exhausted too. Also, I don't know if I want to be bumbling and fumbling so much on the wedding night or the honeymoon. I might amend that goal of mine to "wait until we move in together." No, I'm not saying I want to cohabitate pre-engagement. But seriously, if we move in together a week or so before the wedding day, does it really matter if we wait until the proverbial wedding night? Now we're supposed to wait one or two weeks AFTER we move in to hook up? I mean, really. Is that a reasonable expectation?

I don't know, but it looks like I have quite a while before I have to worry about that anyway!

Passive Agressive Brides and Jerseylicious

My entry refers to the segment below starting at 1:27.



Recently, while sitting in the waiting room at Jiffy Lube, I found myself watching Tyra's talk show. Don't hate! I do like Tyra, though I never watch her show. Anyway, on this episode, she talked to the cast of "Jerseylicious" and included questions from the audience. One young woman talked about how, as a perpetual bridesmaid, she always has to wear hideous bridesmaid dresses, and how she's sick of it. Alexa told the young woman to basically "tailor" the dress to make herself look hot. She also said that brides who submit their bridesmaids to ugly dresses are being passive aggressive, so it's alright to be passive aggressive right back to them.

I've only been to two weddings and I've never been a bridesmaid, so I don't know how accurate Alexa's point of view is. Are brides really so obsessed with being pretty that they don't want their maids to look pretty? However, it seems to make some sense. At both weddings I attended, the dresses did not look like dresses the maids could wear again, though one wedding had prettier dresses than the other. One wedding had matronly bridesmaid dresses. The outfit was a brown skirt with a white lacy top that did nothing for their figures. So in a way, I applaud Alexa's "eff you, bride" response of fixing the unflattering dress so that you look hot too.

Now, I understand that every bride wants to feel beautiful on her wedding day. She wants to wear the prettiest, most flattering dress she ever wore. She wants everyone to turn their heads when she passes. Every woman has the right to look and feel fabulous on her wedding day.

That shouldn't be at the expense, though, of her maids, who most likely are her dearest friends and family. She should feel secure enough in herself that she needn't worry about any of her maids "outdoing" her. It's a sacrament, not a beauty pageant. The maids have the right to feel beautiful too.

It made me reflect on what I would do if I ever got married. The blog, Offbeat Bride, has inspired me to go against the grain should I decide to marry. Why do all the bridesmaids need to wear the same dress anyway? Every person's body is different. I would be so pissed if my friend asked me to be a bridesmaid and then had me buy a dress with a color that flushed out my skin and a cut that was tight in all the wrong places. I hope that if I ever marry, I'll say to my bridesmaids, "buy whatever formal dress you want, just make sure it's color A or color B," depending on what my wedding colors are. I understand you might want some unity among the bridesmaids for the sake of the pictures and whatnot. So maybe I'll give them the same bouquet. However, my point is I don't want my bridesmaids, who'll be my closest friends and family, to feel ugly at my expense, just to solidify my position as the prettiest woman in the wedding.

Although I'm not a fan of reality shows, particularly when they focus so much on outer beauty and divas, maybe I will check out Jerseylicious one day.