D and I had a conversation about this a couple weeks ago. After clicking through too many profiles of men on okcupid and plentyoffish the past few days, I have to vent about some of the wrong things men are doing.
1) Posting pictures of themselves with other girls.
- D told me he did this because he thought that showing him with other girls would make him look like quite a catch. All these other girls like him, so why wouldn't I? When he was getting no attention, he took the pictures of himself with other girls down. Maybe that works with some girls, but when I see a pic of a man surrounded by girls, I think, "Competition." I don't want to share, and I'm not about to compete with pretty girls for a guy.
2) Not smiling in profile pictures.
-Is this supposed to make men look tough, or suave, or manly? It looks scary, cold and unapproachable. I guess some girls are turned on by the, thuggish, "whassup," semi-frowny face. I pass right over that.
3) Topless pics.
-If all you want is sex, then go ahead and post topless pics, because that's all I think you want. Does that actually get guys more attention? From what kind of ladies? I roll my eyes and move on. You think your body is that hot that you need to show it off to the world? Egomaniac.
4) Pictures of themselves in costume, especially a mask.
-What are you hiding? I want to see you! This is especially bad when it's the only picture.
5) Photos with digital effects and none of their real face.
-Are they trying to show off their graphic design skills? I want to see your actual face, not a pixelated version of it.
6) Posting pictures of celebrity lookalikes as the profile pic.
-Why start off lying? What's wrong with your face? Why won't you show it?
7) Trying too hard to sound smart.
-Just talk like yourself, please (although I guess if you're a phD student, perhaps you would be using a lot of big words). Yes some girls and I do want an educated man, but you don't have to show off ALL the multisyllabic words you learned in college. When you're smart, it just comes through naturally, without you trying to sound that way.
8) Saying something like, "Well, I don't know if this'll really work, but I'll give this online thing a shot," or "I'm skeptical about this."
-Some of us do take online dating seriously. This is insulting.
9) Being negative
-"Don't IM me if all you want is sex." "Don't bring your drama." "All the women on online dating are liars." STFU!
*I know I am being negative in this post too, but I'm not saying this on my online dating profile. I do keep it positive there.
10) Being not-specific and saying something like, "anyone can email me if anything in my profile interested you"
-Tell me what you want. Do you want a nerd? A sporty girl? A partier? A drinker? A non-drinker? Religious? Non-religious? No, you don't have to give an entire checklist but give me some idea. I don't want to waste my time composing a message to you if I am nothing like what you want.
I have read a fair share of your blog posts and you really sound like a wonderful person. I'd enjoy talking to you via email/IM if you're interested in talking to someone who in ways is like-minded. My email is r2917@hotmail.com
ReplyDeleteTake care
Rob
i agree with everything you've said and i'll raise you another... the ones who start off saying that they are a simple guy looking for a simple girl usually sends me running. somehow it makes them sound dull and dumb and kinda creepy.
ReplyDelete"simple guy looking for a simple girl." Yes, that is kind of creepy now that you mention it! It's also not that specific. What exactly does he mean by "simple?" Simple minded? Simple living?...
ReplyDelete1) Posting pictures of themselves with other girls.
ReplyDeleteActually, they did a study on this and apparently guys with pictures of attractive girls were thought of as more attractive. Also, guys who have girlfriends are thought of as more attrative too. I get what you mean though. Whenever I find out a guy has a girlfriend, I run the opposite direction. Maybe that's due to my own insecurities though.
2) Not smiling in profile pictures.
I'm split on this issue. On the one hand, smiling pictures are great but on the other hand, some super hot men I know look really dorky with their grins
3) Topless pics.
I agree 100%. I'm usually either disgusted or intimidated or both.
4) Pictures of themselves in costume, especially a mask.
Funny costumes are okay but masks? Really?? You hiding something there, bud?
5) Photos with digital effects and none of their real face.
Yeah, the artistic a la sin city ones are the worst
6) Posting pictures of celebrity lookalikes as the profile pic.
Also weird
7) Trying too hard to sound smart.
I usually see people trying too hard to sound like they're dun and easygoing
8) Saying something like, "Well, I don't know if this'll really work, but I'll give this online thing a shot," or "I'm skeptical about this."
No comments there but that is a little douchie
9) Being negative
What? People actually do this?
10) Being not-specific and saying something like, "anyone can email me if anything in my profile interested you"
Yeah, this sounds a little desperate for about anything
Well I think it's proper to run the opposite direction if a match online already has a girlfriend! I don't want to be the "other woman." That's interesting about the study. I can see how a guy might look more attractive, but there are guys I find attractive yet I don't think they are dateable.
ReplyDeleteI agree that there are some that try too hard to look easygoing. Most (if not all) people have pet peeves or things that tick them off. I don't necessarily have to know about those in the profile (again, keep it positive), but saying "nothing bothers me," or nothing offends me," or "I'm very easygoing," is not genuine to me. okcupid gives me all the really brainy people, I guess. I don't want to read a philosophical essay on someone's profile!
To me the whole "being negative" thing is HUGE...not just on dating profiles, but for any first impression. I struggle with that myself because I'm NOT a really positive person but I know it's a turn-off, even when just I'm talking to a potential new friend. Who wants to be around that?
ReplyDeleteReally interesting list, you should see if you can make it law :)