Tuesday, March 15, 2011

how to be surrounded by beauty

I love beautiful things. Who doesn't, right?

I'm a big Francophile and have a friend who's an Anglophile, and we often discuss how we wished we lived across the Atlantic. Next to my hometown, Paris is my favorite city, and I've been missing it lately. So I was looking at pictures of French-style apartments. Man, they're beautiful.

Ah, Spring. I could just sit and eat here for hours.

I could spend an entire Saturday playing with this "mood board."

And I'm not really a Coco Chanel fan, but her sitting room is the shiz. I think she might become one of my favorite women from history.

Now, I also am a fan of chic, modern interiors along the lines of IKEA.

Still not sure how to reconcile the two in my own apartment. It's looking more IKEA due to my budget! But Amelie's apartment seems like a good mix of what I like in home decor.

As I spent my lunch break looking at beautiful interiors from French and French-ish apartments, I reflected on my online dating struggles. I just don't find many men online attractive...at all. Or I'll find a man who is attractive to me, but then I think, "Oh, he wouldn't like a girl like me." Yes, I should just go for the guy, message him, but I don't. I get one or two messages per week from guys. Usually they're completely not what I want, but once in a while, the profile information looks good. However, I just don't find the man attractive, and I feel guilty, shallow. If the unattractive man wrote a real message to me, I respond anyway, but then end with, "Good luck in your search!" That's my indirect way of saying, "Not interested." On the one hand, beauty is skin deep, personality is more important than looks. So even though I don't like shaved heads, full beards, cornrows, Bob Marley dreads, Coogi, flannel, blonde hair, overweight builds, I try to look past all that when viewing a profile,

But I still like beauty, including beautiful men...

like Johnny Depp. Even with that nasty, cancer-inducing cigarette, which would turn me off "normal" men, he's gorgeous!

Now I know not every man looks like Johnny Depp. It's really not fair to judge normal man's beauty against Johnny, for whom there is no equal. I don't look like a sexpot either, although one person at work calls me, "Halle Berry." It's nice to be called Halle Berry instead of Tia and Tamera for once!

I realize, though, that I need to be honest with myself. I can't help whom I'm attracted to. I keep race, body type, hair color and height open, but now I wonder if maybe I should narrow that too. One of the issues with my last two dates was I really didn't find them that attractive online, but they were "attractive enough." Then there was no spark in real life. I had no desire to rip off their clothes. I thought maybe I should give the guys a second date, maybe the spark would just be delayed...

But then I go to Mass and the young man who gave me Communion set my heart racing after a 2 second interaction. :-P I haven't seen him at Mass since, darnit. It reminded me of what that spark is supposed to feel like. He didn't look like Johnny Depp, by the way, but there was something about the voice, the look, the eyes, the hair, and it was the same combo that has lit my inner "fire" before.

And anyway, I'm not magazine-hot, but I'm not ugly. Why shouldn't I have a man who is beautiful (to me) inside...and out?



    It's theycallhimjay, remember me? I changed my name to match my blog that you inspired me to start! http://workintheroom.blogspot.com/ Check it out sometime!!

    Anyways, back to your post...

    Yes chemistry is a difficult thing to handle. But don't let the fact that fireworks aren't going off in your head every time the guy walks into the room deter you from enjoying the company of a decent guy. This is real life, not a romance novel, sometimes you gave to give a relationship a chance to grow and develop. Just because you go out with a guy a few times doesn't mean you are committing to him. Maybe he is having an off day, maybe you are. Keep your dates diverse and see how he behaves in different environments. I just don't think it's fair to dismiss a guy after a first date just because there were no fireworks, first dates for guys are extremely stressful and frustrating. And to be honest, you are not going to get to know him very well until you both feel each other out (mentally not physically) and that can't happen instantly.

  2. Very true about the fireworks and "romance novel!" Most of the time, I actually am open to a second date, given the pressure of first dates, off-days, all that stuff. But I now leave it to the guy to call me if he's interested in a 2nd date and I'll just say something like, "Call me if you want to hang out again!" In the past, I've pursued guys that I liked but, in hindsight, probably wouldn't have pursued a second date with me if I left it to them to call me. So I think men and women are guilty of judging after date one. And yes I will definitely check out your blog :-)