Saturday, December 4, 2010

Am I dateable?

For awhile, I've been seeing myself as undateable. I guess it's normal to go through periods of high and low self-image. I wouldn't exactly call it self-hate or a total lack of self-love, more like some sort of acceptance. "Well, I'm not anyone's type, I guess." I have felt like giving up on dating, or at least on trying. I have felt like just "waiting" and "letting it happen" as opposed to being more proactive, like it's a waste of time for me to try dating because no one wants me anyway. I have been feeling like so many of my qualities are unwanted in a date.

Thoughts running through my head: "I'm vegan. Who would want to date someone who can't eat everywhere? Where would we go on dates?" "I don't want kids, ever, and most guys out there want kids. And the ones who don't want kids are all Atheist or non-religious." "I'm sexually inexperienced and won't put out on the third date or whatever that rule is, and every other girl will." "I'm a practicing Catholic, and nobody wants someone religious because he'll think I'm some brainwashed Jesus freak." "I can't tell a guy I have taken bellydance because he'll either think I'm a whore or flighty. How many people think, 'intelligent' when they hear someone is a bellydancer?" "I like reading, but not all kinds of books. A reader won't think I'm intellectual enough." "I like pop music, but an intellectual guy will think I'm mindless and unsophisticated if I say I like pop music." And on and on and on.

But then I remembered that there are millions of guys out there. Millions. And if a guy is my Mr. Right, being vegan, Catholic, a bellydancer, reader, choosy with the cherry, a lover of pop music and childfree won't be a turn-off.

So for the past few days, I've been changing my self-image back to something more positive! True, I'm not every guy's Ms. Right. However, that doesn't mean I'm NOBODY'S Ms. Right. My Mr. Right will have no problem with going to restaurants that have something for me besides a house salad (I don't need to go to an all-veg restaurant, but I don't want only a salad, I mean I didn't get these womanly curves by eating salad my whole life). He won't think less of me if I like pop music and bellydancing. What straight guy wouldn't be turned on by bellydancing? He won't think I'm a total prude if I don't put-out after a few dates. He'll be willing to wait longer. He won't care if I don't like every piece of high literature out there. I like reading classics, but not all of them. He'll respect my religious practices and won't think I'm a mindless sheep, drunk on the opiate of the masses. And perhaps most importantly of all, he'll either be undecided about or totally against having kids someday.

So I'm at least trying to be active again on the dating websites and trying to stay alert, awake for "sightings." I can't just sit around and "wait." That didn't work. Most of my dates have been with men I met online. So I need to be proactive. And I need to remember that though I may not turn every guy on, I'm SOMEONE'S wet dream.


  1. Parts of your second paragraph could have been lifted from my autobiography:

    "I don't want kids" (though I should clarify that I don't want biological ones.)

    "I'm a practicing Catholic"

    and a few more.

  2. I guess we're all too hard on ourselves sometimes. The things that make us unique, special, and more appealing to some, we actually think are flaws.