Monday, January 4, 2010

Staying in the friend zone

Since I started my dating escapades in August 2009, there have been two guys with whom I wanted to pursue a romantic relationship, and both just wanted to remain friends. Not surprisingly, this is common in my life! I am living proof that men aren't the only ones who are friend-zoned. I'm over "Walter" (name changed), the young man I crushed on during September. It took a month for me to get over him 100%. Now I can't believe I was ever infatuated with him!

Well, the current boy, "Nate," dropped the friend zone thing on me in mid-December after I confessed my like for him, and I am still not 100% over him. If I could quantify it, I'd say I'm more than 50% over him. We started talking and hanging out in October. Yeah, I know some say you should never directly tell a guy you like him. You should do what's gender-appropriate, meaning be indirect and "drop hints." Women are socialized to be indirect and subtle. But it wasn't a disaster when I told Walter I liked him, so my inner feminist doesn't care about that rule!

I told Nate I'm okay with being friends, which is true. I am just "okay" with it, not ecstatic. However, I refuse to do what guys have done to me in the past when I told them I wanted to stay friends: completely disappear. I will not shy away from hanging out with Nate or talking with him just because my heart isn't totally through with him. I must confront the situation. My heart should heal within a couple weeks. She always does.

Anyway, I hung out with him yesterday, and although I was getting closer to being 100% through with Nate, the butterflies fluttered back. We went to a museum, then to one of my favorite cafes and had a great, deep conversation. It is still frustrating to me that I connect with Nate on so many levels, that we share so many similar long term goals, and that we agree on my dealbreaker, which is no desire for children ever. Yet we stay "just friends." It's hard to find a date who's childfree! Even guys in my age group have the baby rabies. My friend, "Amie," said perhaps he'll change his mind, that maybe it will work out after we've known each other longer than a few months. Again, we just met in October. But I refuse to wait around hoping for a rom com ending, where "no" turns into "yes." He confesses that he loved me all along but was too scared or whatever. If he said he wants to stay friends, I should just believe him and move on. I might have just made my first male "platonic soulmate."

So I have 27 more days in January to find a date/singles event, so I need to get a move on that, despite the fact that my heart still pines a little for Nate. It doesn't help that now I'll think of him whenever I open the fridge. He let me pick out something from the gift shop, and I picked a sequined strawberry magnet. It sounds cornier than it really is (totally cute :-) ). I know he only got it to reach the $10 credit card minimum purchase, but that's actually the first "gift" I ever received from a guy.

Is it a blessing or a curse that I encounter so many gentlemanly and friendly guys when none of them ever want a romantic relationship?

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