Tuesday, January 12, 2010

How to recover from being friend-zoned

Recently I blogged about how I'm not 100% fine with the Nate situation. He was the most recent guy to "friend zone" me. It is especially difficult to get over it and move on when you've hit a dry spell in the online dating world. No new guys emailed me in December 2009, hence why I tried Speed Dating. It's hard to move on when you have no other prospects, at least it is for me. And there were no singles events happening this month that looked good to me.

Well, I'm pleased to announce I hit my goal for January! I have a coffee date with Steven, a man I have been talking to online for about a week. In the online dating world, it's best not to draw out online communication too long. If there's a "spark," jump on it and meet. Steven seems cool, like he'd be a good friend at least, but I know myself, and I don't want history to repeat.

Walter friend zones me. I get vengeful ("I'm gonna make him WISH he said yes!"). Then I start thinking I will remain single forever because it won't get much better than Walter! It takes me a month to get over him until Nate comes along. I'm lukewarm about Nate, then I meet him in person and get smitten. He friend zones me, I get vengeful, then fatalistic and he becomes my "favorite male friend" until someone else comes... You see how I've already done this twice, and I'm determined not to get smitten after one or two dates with Steven only to get friend zoned by him as well.

The best way to get over being friend zoned is to stay active in the online dating world. At the very least, log onto all the sites so that you come up higher in results, i.e. "flamencokitty was last seen in the past 24 hours." Answer messages that are actual messages, not ones that are simply "Hey beautiful, msg me." Basically, keep practicing being "single and looking," even if it's half-hearted, until you actually feel it wholeheartedly. Keep going, even if your heart is saying, "No, just wait! He might come around! You might get that rom com ending after all." Keep communicating with (a) new guy(s), even if you're not feeling that "spark" initially. Remember that your lukewarm feelings might be just because you haven't gotten over the last guy completely. It may not be because the new guy is totally lame.

Well, Steven has mostly passed my main dealbreaker, which is "no desire for children." He is "undecided" because he's open to whatever. Hey, I'll take that and give him a shot.

1 comment:

  1. Dating is something that people tend to do for various reasons which can be for fun or for some one who is seriously looking for a partner in life, in such a case why not look into something that can be truly genuine like the one i did .
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