Tuesday, February 1, 2011

moving from online to face-to-face

So I think another conversation has bit the dust.

Sunday (or Monday) of this week marked 2 weeks since I started talking to “B” online.

A couple weeks ago, I spent three or so hours on okcupid searching through profiles, clicking through answered questions, skimming photos, and sent winks (with messages) to about six guys. Two days later, I found 3 responses!

Well, the conversation quickly fizzled with two of the guys but B and I were going strong after a week. He actually read my profile and referenced it in the conversation. After a week, our messages went from a few sentences to paragraphs. B apologized for writing so much and I said, "It's okay. I think it's just a sign that we should probably meet in person..."

B said he was interested in meeting, but asked if we could talk for "just a little while longer." Now, he admitted in his profile that he was kind of shy and he stated that he wasn't just into sex. But I didn't want to wait too much longer to meet. No point in talking for a month (or two), building an image of each other based on online messages, then finding no spark in person. However, I agreed to a little while longer but suggested possibly meeting the following week for coffee.

So we talked for a 2nd week and caught each other on chat one night. Good, fun conversation there. He did ask me what I was looking for on okcupid. That question threw me (this is the day after I suggested meeting up). I checked off in my profile "long term or short term dating." Did he miss that? I said something like it was part of my mission to come out of my shell, be more outgoing, meet more people now that my college friends have dispersed.

On Friday of last week, he asked me if there was anything I wanted to ask him. I asked about his living situation, if he had any siblings and what his job was. In his response, he mentioned he was an only child and I said that he was lucky! I said that I'm much older than my siblings and that between helping with them and babysitting, I have changed enough diapers! He said babysitting is good though because it probably prepares you for parenthood and he said he liked kids. He also asked me a pretty deep question: "If you could change anything about the world, what would you change?"

To his parenting comment, I responded, "Well, as I mentioned in my profile, I don't want kids..." Before I answered the deep question, I said, "Well that is definitely a question I could better answer in person! But what first comes to mind is..." He had also asked if there was a better way to talk than messaging (this he asked for the 2nd or 3rd time). I said that if he was indirectly asking for my number, I'll give it when we get ready to meet.

This was over the weekend. Still no word from him. Prior to this, we were responding to each other's emails within 24 hours.

I'm a little bummed...a little. I started thinking about what I might have done wrong. Did the no-kids thing scare him off? Was I too pushy about meeting? Was I being too guarded with my number? Did he think I was only looking for sex because I mentioned meeting after "only" a week (wow, he really doesn't know me...)? Well, he could be real busy. There is a huge snowstorm out there that's messing us all up.

But tonight, I used my computer instead of my phone for the internet, and I saw we were on okcupid at the same time. No message from him.

Perhaps it's for the best. Maybe it's not me. Maybe he's really self-conscious. Maybe there's something he's hiding. It might not be because there's something "wrong" with me.

He wasn't my number one choice in the looks department anyway! :-P

1 comment:

  1. i really don't think there's anything "wrong" with you. if anything, i think there might be something wrong with him. it's either he's so painfully shy/guarded/self conscious or maybe he's not really single and is just lonely and wants to chat with someone online.