Sunday, February 6, 2011

don't hate the playa, hate the game

Just hours after I posted that B wasn't talking to me, he IM'ed me. :-P Silly me jumping to conclusions, I guess.

So B and I are still talking...just 3 weeks.

He is a really nice guy. The conversation moves easily, and we agree on a lot of things, especially politics. He's also not perverted or only looking for sex. However, I want to move beyond online chatting. I told him I wanted to meet, twice. So I'm not asking again. I've expressed interest. The ball is in his court. I do enjoy talking to him, but I'm not going to nag, because I'm talking to other guys online.

I never told B that I'm talking to more than just him. I feel a little guilty about that. I wonder, "Should I tell him? Is it any of his business how many people I'm talking to in the first place? Should I have told him at the beginning that I'm talking to a few guys online?" I feel a little like a playa.

But it's typical to be talking to a few different people at once online. B and I aren't a couple. We haven't even met in person! So I'm not obligated to talk to him exclusively. It doesn't bug me if he is talking to other women besides me. We're all single and mingling.

Right now, my plan is if he asks, I'll tell him. If he gets mad, I'll apologize for not being clear about that from the beginning. I don't know if that's the best, but it is what it is.

Talking to 3 guys at once has restored my hope in online dating. I was finding nothing, NOTHING on online dating sites. The other two guys, M and D, are knocking B out of the ballpark.

M is a novice dancer and a bit nerdy. He knows of a salsa place near him that has $5 classes. Fun! I told him to send me dates and times. I might have a salsa date with someone whose skills are equal to mine! I don't like salsa-ing with a salsa expert. It's a bit intimidating. I step the wrong way, step on his foot. It'd be nice to bumble and make mistakes with someone else.

D is Christian and childfree! We have only talked once online (Saturday night), but the conversation was good to me. We talked about why we don't want kids, and a little about what we want in a match. He's in his mid-thirties and just realized he doesn't want kids. So I don't think I have to worry about him changing his mind.

M and D are also cuties. ;)

I know there's a chance that these conversations might never go beyond IM'ing and messaging. Still, after a dry spell, I have new hope. There are compatible guys out there for me. I just have to hold on and keep looking.


  1. Trust me, you are totally okay talking to other people. In no way does chatting online even come close to any mention of exclusivity. I'd be surprised if he wasn't talking to other people too.
    But I'm glad you're starting to find potential in the online dating scene.

  2. Thanks! I think the closeness to Valentine's Day is making people more eager to search and meet new people. I had a peak in contacts this time last year too. But I'm not trying to get a date by the 14th necessarily. I've never had a date on V Day anyway!

  3. i understand why you'd feel guilty especially if you're all bout monogamy and not hurting people's feelings by leading them on. but trust me, you have nothing to feel guilty bout. if you guys met online, it's highly likely if not absolutely the case, that everyone knows that the other is talking to other people. online dating is a great way to meet new people you might normally never meet in your course of life and i'm glad you're expanding your circle and finding potential.