I googled the question, "How to tell if a guy isn't into you," and book reviews for Greg and Liz's book emerged. I have read that book and previously sung its praises, but user reviews on Amazon challenged my thoughts on He's Just Not that Into You.
I must admit, the book really is pop psychology, and can't be considered a scholarly source on dating. It's anecdotal, although Greg does indirectly admit that it's not scientific. I suppose it really is just The Rules revamped for modern, young readers. The book, in a nutshell, says that if a guy likes you, he will go above and beyond to show it. If he's too "shy" to ask you out, he's lazy and not worth your time. The book says women shouldn't have to chase men, call or text men after a date, because a man will come after you.
Now, it is true that some men are shy, some are too busy to think about dating (even if they like you), and some men just don't want to risk rejection by asking a woman out, no matter how much they are crushing on her.
Still though, my problem is that guys in the past were giving me clear signs that they didn't like me, but because I thought they were shy, or secretly crushing on me but insecure or unsure of my feelings, I pursued them anyway. I was the one initiating contact. I was the one asking when to hang out. From age 19 until now, two guys have made it obvious that they liked me (though I didn't like them as more than friends): emailing me a lot, calling me regularly, asking to hang out one-on-one (which I suppose is a date). The obvious ones did like me, the not-obvious, mixed signal guys didn't like me. So for me, there was a lot of truth in Greg's book.
Just the same, after reading the reviews, I am taking HJNTIY a little less seriously. It reminded me that sitting and waiting for the guys to come to you is not always a fun place to be. Also, the guys who are very assertive and very obvious in their attraction might be the wrong kind of guy for you. I don't really want a very extroverted guy, no matter how charming he seems at first. They could be very demanding, possessive, and traditional in their gender roles.
So I'm still in a conundrum. The HJNTIY type is really not my type, but my type would probably never tell me that he's into me. That means I have to initiate. But how do I distinguish Shy Guy from a man who isn't into me?...
Maybe I should just stay single. This relationship stuff is too complicated!