Recently, I attended a baseball game with my young adult group. Within our section were other groups affiliated with the diocese. In front of me were two gentlemen near my age I never met. I paid no mind to them, but the young adult group leader, who was sitting next to me, said that she sold a ticket to one of them, "Al." She was comparing the two men and said that Al was cuter. I agreed, but I honestly hadn't checked them out before she commented. Al was sort of a cross between Chace Crawford and David Cook. Moreso Chace. Then she mentioned that he and I had the same occupation. I gave some sort of reply, and thought "Oh boy, now she's playing matchmaker." Another young man sat with Al and his friend. My young adult leader again whispered that she thought Al was the still cutest of the three. I agreed and she added, "Those other two look like nerds." I responded, "Well if they're nerds, those are probably my choices!" One resembled this guy, but with brownish black hair.
From there, the conversation basically continued with her saying that I shouldn't settle for one of the nerds and I replied that in adolescence, you figure out who your choices are, and guys as cute as Al don't go for women like me. She asked, "Well, haven't you moved on from adolescence?" I said that I have, but others haven't.
A recent show on Discovery Channel talked about attraction and how humans select mates. People generally go for people equal in attractiveness as themselves. Also, in adolescence, you learn by trial and error where you rank in terms of attractiveness. Guys as cute as Al have never been interested in me. The only guys who have been were, well, nerds...like me...
It's a hard truth to face: I know some guys are out of my league. Yes, sometimes oogly guys marry beautiful girls, but I never see men date women less attractive than them. It's not that I don't think I deserve an attractive man, but I'm not naive. I know a little bit about how men function despite never being in a relationship! I know I'm not a "ten." I know I'm the nerdy "girl next door." I know that it's a waste of time going after Chace Crawford-looking boys. They won't date me, and why would they when they figured out they could get someone prettier? Nevermind my great personality traits, nevermind the qualities I have that are important for good girlfriends. If there is no sexual attraction, then I'm just a friend.
Some (meaning a couple coworkers of mine) might argue that maybe I should work harder, girl-ify myself more. Dress sexier, wear makeup, dye and perm my hair, flirt more, get contacts, show off more skin, and then maybe I would get more attractive guys (or more guys period). I'm not good at pretending to be someone I'm not, and what's the point of putting on an act? It'll be a hard reality check when I reveal that I'm actually a makeup-less, four-eyed, khaki and cardigan nerd girl. By the way, I understand I need to dress nice on dates (and have some revealing clothes), and I do own some makeup and high heels for special occasions! But that's not daily.
My young adult leader did go on to say that sometimes people are all looks, no substance. We really didn't know anything about any of the three guys. I concurred that that's usually true :-P . She said she still would try to invite him to a young adult meeting. I'm not holding my breath.