Sunday, February 28, 2010

How NOT to be a prude virgin

Virgins are often stereotyped as prude, ashamed of their bodies and shy. Most of the world (virgins included) think one needs to have sex in order to have a sexuality. However, a woman can celebrate her womanhood in healthy ways, even if she's a virgin.

I know the idea of a virgin who loves her body and has a sexuality might not make sense. For instance, in Latino culture, there is the idea that a woman can either be a "Madonna" (virgin) or a "whore." There is no in-between. You are either pure or slutty. This Madonna/whore dichotomy I think exists in many cultures, though perhaps it is most pronounced in Latino culture.

Anyway, now when I tell people I'm a virgin, they are shocked. Perhaps it's because I'm so old to still be a virgin, but I'd like to think it's because I'm not a total prude. ;-) Based on my experience (and also including advice from my friends), here are ways I've found a virgin woman can still have a sexuality.

1) Join a bellydance class- Contrary to popular belief, bellydance is not inherently exotic stripperdance. It's a safe, fun way to move your body in a manner that is very natural to women. The sisterhood that permeates bellydance classes is also infectious.

2) Buy sexy, matching underwear- Wearing sexy underwear makes you feel sexier. Even if no one will see it but you, it is cool to see your body in a sexy panty and bra set. It also helps one feel sexier when buried under layers of sweaters during winter.

3) Go to a "Surprise Party" once- Surprise Parties (and the like) are basically grown up "tupperware" parties. I was slightly uncomfortable at first, but in the end, I found it to be quite educational. Also, the party was not promoting promiscuous sexual behavior. The emphasis was on enhancing the romance in your relationship. It's a fun girls night out.

4) Have a makeover party-If going to a sex toy party is too much (or too "sinful") for you, a tamer girls night out/girls day would be painting your nails with your girlfriends. It taps into your inner five year old, playing dress-up, making yourself even prettier.

5) Take a burlesque class or pole dancing class-OK, a bit ago, I indirectly criticized stripping by saying that bellydance is not exotic stripperdance. However, on a trip to Montreal, I happened upon an outdoor burlesque lesson at a street fest. FYI, the teacher did not strip down all the way during the lesson! Once again though, it's just plain fun! It's about being flirty and emphasizing/celebrating your best assets, so to speak. I am determined to take a burlesque workshop. You don't strip all the way in burlesque classes, by the way. Also, similar to bellydance, pole dancing provides a workout that includes womanly moves. You can get in shape without making your body "manly," meaning too much muscle and not enough curves.

6) Show off when you go out- Great calves? Wear a skirt that shows them off. Beautiful eyes? Find a complimentary eyeshadow color to draw attention to them. Got a nice pair of girls? Wear a v-neck. I used to be afraid of showing any part of my chest, until my mom once said from outside the dressing room, "You can't help what God gave you!" I was 17 at the time, and it changed how I shopped for clothes. If you can't hide it, might as well embellish it.

7) See the "Vagina Monologues"-Yes, some of the women in the monologues didn't feel sexy until someone had sex with them, but overall, the message is about loving your body, loving your self, and not being ashamed of your vagina/sexuality. Plus, proceeds from the monologues always benefit a good cause related to helping abused and oppressed women.

No comments:

Post a Comment