Monday, August 22, 2011

How much is too much on OkCupid?

I recently read a blog post by SingleGalNYC about some of her online dating woes, particularly when it comes to "small talk" on OkCupid. I still struggle with figuring out how much is too much in their "You should message me if," section.

On the one hand, one of the things I can't stand on online profiles is vagueness. It drives me nuts when guys, I suppose in an act of desperation, say "If you like anything in my profile, hit me up." So on my profile, I say some of the things I'm looking for in a guy.

But how much should I say?

I don't go as far as saying what I want my ideal man to look like, what kind of home he should have or how much money he should be making. But I never know for sure if I'm also "preventing the chemistry from unfolding." Are guys turned off by a woman who is explicit in her dealbreakers?

But then again, do I want a guy who gets so bothered by someone who knows what she wants? After all, it doesn't bother me when a guy is specific about who should message him.

Perhaps the best thing, in the end, is just to be who I am. My ideal matches, after all, won't be frightened away by a woman who says five things she is looking for in a guy. He'll say, "Hey, that sounds like me," and drop me a hello.

Image: kanate /

Follow me on twitter @flamencokitty


  1. I (mostly) agree! I think people SHOULD be specific, but the trick is learning how to be specific without coming across as overly picky or hard to please.

    When I was doing the OKCupid thing, I made sure to make my entire profile be geared toward attracting the right kind of when I got to the part about "You should contact me if..." I had no trouble saying, " can spell the contracting of you and are correctly."

    The guys who had a) gotten that far and b) "got it" where usually pretty great. :)

  2. That's a good point. Your profile should already be written for your kind of guy anyway. I read somewhere else that you should basically pretend you are writing a letter to your "Mr. Right."