Sunday, August 22, 2010

"So why don't I have a boyfriend?" Improve thyself first

After my blah date with Lou yesterday, I decided to google that question, just to see what "advice" comes up. Several search results featured teenagers asking that question, which further added to my feeling of being "behind" everyone else! There were some recurring themes in the answers. Some included the usual, "be more outgoing," "be more flirty," "be less shy," "get out and meet people." However, another tip that kept appearing was basically, "Focus on YOU and your life."

I like to think I am an introspective person, aware of my strengths and weaknesses, always trying to improve myself. Here's the thing, though. Learning about oneself and improving oneself is a lifelong process. You never finish figuring out who you are and what you're about. Many people don't even come close to figuring that out before their middle years, 40-years-old and older. I know plenty of people in relationships who haven't begun trying to figure out "who they are" or are currently struggling with that question. If I waited until I "knew myself" before I sought a relationship, well, I would never seek a relationship! I have been "working on me" my whole life, but no man seems to want to jump on board with my life. So that advice isn't helpful for me.

However, one other piece of advice that I do think is helpful is "go out and meet people," but perhaps not through the typical means. Watching Tyra's show on Friday (hey, sometimes I like trash TV), further confirmed my belief that going to bars is a bad way for an introverted or shy person to find love. They interviewed a 23-year-old woman who never had a boyfriend and sent her off to a bar with a professional "wingwoman." It was clear that the girl was nervous when the wingwoman went away. The girl was not at her best in a bar. SO WHY PUT HER IN A BAR? Put her in a situation where she is comfortable, where she can shine. She totally seemed like a sweet girl, like she'd make a good girlfriend (and she was pretty).

I think I'm on the right track in terms of joining classes and clubs that I like in order to meet more people (especially guys). That way, the focus is not on socializing but on the task. You don't feel like you're "on stage," but you'll probably be showing off some of your best qualities. I'm already an amazing person, but I can't be an amazing person in a bar or "singles event." Perhaps I can't be amazing on a completely blind date either, where I don't know how not to turn the conversation into a job interview. I need to put myself in situations where I can show off my awesomeness, and therefore attract a guy who just might be compatible with me.

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