Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Review: "Why Mr. Right Can't Find You" by JM Kearns
While searching for dating books online, this title kept popping up. I wanted to read this just because of the title. Overall, I love it!
The section that especially grabbed my attention is Kearns' section on compatibility. One of my issues is I'm not so sure what I want. Does it matter if he likes stand-up comedy and pop music like me? Do I really need to look for someone who is my intellectual match? Should I skip over online profiles if I don't find him physically attractive? Well, yes. Kearns specifies what things to pay attention to when figuring out compatibility. One question I love: Can you go on a road trip with this person? Good point. If we have very dissimilar taste in music, what will we listen to on an eight hour road trip?
After reading this book, I did some journaling about my ideal man, with new insights. Before I started dating, I was picky about the wrong things. Once I tried to date, I became un-picky about the wrong things. Now, I feel like I have a better picture of my Mr. Right.
I also have a better idea of how to help Mr. Right find me. Like many other dating sites and books, Kearns says women should be outgoing and we should give a man a signal that it's okay for him to come talk to us (like by smiling). He also challenged my plan to avoid bars, but made a valid argument. Lots of men go to bars, and they aren't all dogs. Seek out more grownup bars or even the bar in a nice restaurant.
What I love most of all, though, is the overarching philosophy of the book. There are lots of guys who will like you just as you are. Also, he challenges us to get rid of the whole "Destiny," thing, as in, "There is only ONE Mr. Right for me and I just need to sit and wait for my prince to come." Although I believe in monogamy and that God has a role to play in matching us up, at the same time, the "there is only ONE man for me" belief is problematic. Billions of people live on this planet, millions in my city. There are probably many men who would match with me. I believe in free will, not fate. God lets us choose which direction we wish to take with our life. I don't believe God plays games like this with us: "Let's see if you can find the ONE man I made for you. I won't tell you who he is or how to find him, but if you don't choose him, you're screwed! Muahaha!" Instead, I think that God already has plenty of good choices for me. Even if I decide not to pair with any, I don't believe God will doom me to an incomplete, meaningless life. What's the point of free will, after all?
Anyway, yes, I recommend it. Yes you must read this if you're single. This will be my new dating manual.