Wednesday, April 13, 2011

What should I do when a cute guy is checking me out?

My flirt development reached a new milestone over the weekend!

My Flamenco teacher hosted a birthday party for one of my dancemates, “A.” I attended thinking it would be a small affair. Just some Flamenco sisters of mine.

However, as soon as I walk in the door, I find A fumbling around in the kitchenette as she chats with four, young, male friends of hers. My teacher is MIA.

Guys? There are guys here? I have walked into a sea of strangers!

Maybe “sea of strangers” is strong, but there were even more people I did not know in the backyard.

Now, a seasoned flirter rejoices at situations where she knows no one. Flirting opportunities, yay! Well, I still despise (and avoid) parties where I only know two people. Posses of young men intimidate me. I walked to the backyard, hoping to find my teacher.

Well, I fell into my habit of just sitting by the food and spent the first hour talking to other women. However, my peripherals noticed one of A’s cute guy friends (who I first saw inside) sitting a few feet to my right. Fair skin, medium-build, short black hair, glasses with plastic black frames, jeans that actually fit, a little peachfuzz on the face. My type, physically.

My peripherals also noticed, though, that every other time I spoke, Cutey looked my way. Wha? Not possible.

After chatting with the two ladies at the food table, I moved to another seat and conversed with another woman. I was then across from him (though six feet away), and again I noticed that nearly every time I said something, he looked at me, sometimes smiling or laughing. I thought, “Well, he is the one who is in a group. Let him come to me if he really wants to talk.” But honestly, I also thought it impossible that a guy as cute as him would be checking me out. I needed proof that he really was into me before I approached him.

After an engrossing conversation with my dance teacher (so engrossing that I stopped paying attention to Cutey), I headed inside to make a stovetop s'more. The two little kids at the party walked in and of course were intrigued by the s'more and asked me about it, but then pranced away. Next comes Cutey.

Cutey? Could he be following me? Ha! No way. Guys don't follow me! Anyway, he just asked where the paper towels were.

But were paper towels all he wanted?

A little more confident now (or perhaps just running away with my internal romance novel), I strolled back outside…to the food table. Cutey was standing there. I stood by Cutey and grabbed some bread. He reached over to grab wine. Someone said something funny. We both laughed. He was still standing just a foot away, body facing mine. I said something about the food. He smiled (or laughed, I don't remember).

“Should I say something? Is this an opportunity? I always miss opportunities. I am going to kick myself all night if I still do not talk to a guy even when he is checking me out. But maybe he isn't checking me out. Hey, he is still next to me…”

I reached out my hand and introduced myself. An hour-long conversation ensued, and I left the party about 90 minutes later than I originally planned.

Unbelievable! I achieved something I never thought I could achieve on a night that I had zero expectations of talking to any new guys. I broke the ice with a guy I met “in real life.”

This weekend, I picked up a Flirting Bible from Borders’ clearance section. According to this "bible," there were a few things I did wrong. I think I got a lot of the body language right, but now I need to learn what to actually say. Still, even though Cutey did not ask for my number, we carried on an extended conversation, and he invited me to sit with him as we moved back to his posse to talk. So I still consider that a HUGE step for me. I must have done something right. And anyway, one should not just flirt just for the ends, the number. Flirt for flirting's sake, right?

I may never meet Cutey again, but that night gave me some more confidence. Yes, there are guys who are my type and find me attractive. I must not hesitate to introduce myself when a cute guy is making it pretty clear that he wants to know me better…


  1. I got three words for you...


    You took the initiative and initiated conversation, that's 90% of the battle right there.

    A bummer that you didn't ask for digits (something I'm not innocent of by any means) but you went for it and you had a hottie captivated for more than an hour.

    Not all is lost, take it a step further, find out who this guy is! Ask your teacher, he couldn't have went to the party alone. See if you have some mutual friends and meet him again. And don't even try to pull that passive "oh I'm just glad I got to talk to a guy" bs, he could be the one, or he could just be a another guy, but you will never know unless you go for it!!

  2. Number exchange is one thing where I'm still traditional. I have chased after enough guys who really had no interest in me. I was so madly in lust with the guy, it clouded my judgment. Just because I think he wants to talk to me again doesn't mean he really wants to. In hindsight, there were some body language signs that indicated he probably didn't want to keep talking, but perhaps was just too nice to end it!

    I don't want to focus on the end-goal of getting a number, because that puts too much pressure on the moment. If I'm talking to a guy with a goal of getting a number, that spoils the inherent fun of just chatting with the guy. Then I go into hyper-self-critical mode, thinking about and editing every single thing I say before I say it. The conversation will cease to flow and become even less natural. Flirting already doesn't come that natural to me, hence why I bought a book about it! If I'm trying to get him to ask me for my number, I'll be stressing about whether or not I said the right thing. And if I continue to hunt him down, then a nice, one-hour conversation morphs into an extended, stalkery obsession.

    He knows I take dance class with his friend, A. He can contact me via her if he wants to continue the conversation.

  3. i don't really think you did anything wrong. you realised a guy you found attractive was finding you equally attractive and instead of waiting for him to maybe make a move, you introduced yourself. brilliant! it's a pity though that you guys didn't exchange numbers. it doesn't have to be the end-goal per se but more like if you enjoyed the conversation, it would be great to know that it could continue in another meeting. but i suppose since you talked to him first, he should have asked for your number. if nothing at least you now have increased confidence which is always a great thing.

  4. I'm with jo on this one, if you enjoyed your time with this person, you should make efforts to prolong that time, and that means gettin some digits. It's not the number that is your goal, it's seeing this guy again.

    Jo, I'm gunna have to call you out on your last statement tho. Saying someone "should have" done this or that just sounds like making excuses. If I lived my life with that mindset, I would be a VERY disappointed man (That interviewer "should have" given me the job, That professor "should have" passed me, That supermodel "should have" taken me to Paris with her). Does it work for you? If you depend on other people to give you what you want, you will never get it. You have to work hard to get what you want in life, and that applies to your career, family, and especially your love life.

    Flamenco, don't forget about one of your earliest posts on this blog (Tuesday, December 15, 2009), this sistah speaks the truth!

  5. workintheroom: you do bring up some very valid points. i guess i meant it more like "he could have". he could, but he didn't and that's life.

  6. Well, I talked to the guy for an hour. That sounds pretty prolonged to me. Actually, I'm not sure I want to date a man whom even after I approached him, even after I talked to him for an hour, he still doesn't have the nerve (or desire) to ask for my number. Do I have to hold up a sign that says, "Ask me for my number?" He still can't take a hint? Anyway, that was over a week ago. Cutting my losses, moving on.