My single life has been going rather well. I have a new job that I love more than the previous one. I've spent about a month and a half in my new apartment and am loving it more and more every day. I was recently accepted into a Catholic leadership program, which I am excited to begin (though I'm not so pleased about being the darkest one on this year's cohort, once again I'm a token :-P ). I have a great, supportive circle of friends. Finally, I have a variety of road trips and other fun outings coming up this summer. Minus being broke until September (one of the downsides of singledom is living on one paycheck), life is overall satisfying.
Yet recent events amongst my friends are making me, well, a bit jealous. One friend is newly engaged. Another friend-of-a-friend is beginning pre-Cana classes with her fiance. Another friend is two months into a relationship with a man she adores. Another friend has yet another boyfriend. Etcetera etcetera etcetera. And I haven't been on a date since April.
Yes, it's partially my own fault as I've once again neglected my plan to have one new date per month, but it's also partially because of all the changes happening in my life over the past few months! I also need to pester elove to send me another referral. I have 11 more over the next two years. That's about one every other month!
So with several friends in romantic bliss, I can't help but feel like I'm "missing out." Although I love chilling on the couch, falling asleep with one of my kitties on my lap while listening to the smooth jazz radio station, I sometimes think, "It'd be nice to snuggle with a man instead of a cat for once!" I'm an introvert, so I can usually be alone without feeling lonely. Lately though, I am feeling a bit like a "loser." I'm in my mid-twenties and have never even been kissed! I'm sitting at home on a Friday night petting my cats? Have I set myself up for spinsterhood?
It's easy to think there's something "wrong" with me. There are women who are less attractive, less friendly, less intelligent and definitely higher maintenance than me who nonetheless found their match. Am I really too picky? Am I really not putting myself "out there?" Have I "doomed" myself to perpetual singledom because I won't put out until marriage (and what man wants to date a virgin in her mid twenties anyway)?
I know that God's will for my life is better than any plan I might have or society might have for me. I just sometimes wish I knew for sure if God does have a guy for me or if I really am meant to be single.