Is "transgender" a sexual orientation?

I came across a blog post by Evil Slutopia which discusses why transgender is not a sexual orientation. Come to think of it, no, it isn't a "sexual orientation."

Recently, a friend I have known for nearly twenty years announced that she was going to identify as male from now on. He even emailed some of us and asked for suggestions for a new name.

It was surprising, but only for about thirty seconds.

I already knew my friend had been identifying as "androgynous" for at least a few years. Last year, though, my friend actually showed up on my OkCupid as a match. My friend had listed himself as male and looking for female. I didn't ask my friend about it, as I didn't know if I was supposed to know that he was identifying as male.

It got me thinking, "If [my friend] is biologically female, but identifies as male and is attracted to women, is my friend a lesbian?" Well, lesbians are females who are attracted to females, and my friend doesn't identify as female. But my friend was born with female parts. But biology isn't destiny...

I wondered if I was perhaps thinking too hard about something that really isn't any of my business. And I don't define my friend's sexuality, anyway. He does. And why do I want to put a label on my friend?

Well, I do have almost twenty years of conditioning to re-wire. Even though his new name is on my phone, I still sometimes slip and call him by his former name. I have to ruminate in order for the new identity of my old friend to set in my brain.

But it also goes to show you how sexuality isn't always easy to define. It's not always easy to place someone's sexuality in a nice, neat little box.

Maybe BlogHer was just trying to be more inclusive and open by putting "transgender" as a choice for "sexual orientation." If so, that is definitely commendable. Some people still see homosexuality as sexually deviant, a disorder, even.

However, "transgender," as it says in the effin word, refers to GENDER identity. Just selecting "transgender" doesn't give BlogHer any idea of who the reader is attracted to or what parts the person has. Neither is really any of BlogHer's business anyway, though I get that they ask for outreach and research purposes.

So even though he still has the girly parts (I think...) and likes women, I don't see my friend as a lesbian. He's not a woman at heart, so labels for women don't fit him. As far as I can see on OkCupid, he is identifying as a straight male.

And it makes me wonder, if I was dating a man, and right before things got "serious," I found out he was a biologically a woman, would I still want to be with him? Would you? That sounds like a future blog post...

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